I have to admit something...I'm still struggling with this whole blogging thing.
I started Mosaic Momma because I was inspired to jump into blogging by a friend (Launa) who had started one. I had been looking for a creative outlet for myself, frustrated English major that I am, and thought perhaps that being able to have a space to write my thoughts might be intriguing. However, I must admit that I went back and forth a bit before signing up. Why? Well, as much as I wanted to put my creative thoughts "out there," there was also a part of me that was thinking, "am I sure this is a good idea?"
The struggle for me is hard to put into words, but I'm going to try. One of the reason that I have been hesitant about blogging is that I wonder if I won't find that I like or need the affirmation of others too much. There is something so vulnerable and yet slightly cheeky about writing something down and then "sharing" it with people who "follow you" or maybe are just lucky enough to be your family and friends -- and therefore, can feel like they have a familial obligation to read/follow/comment/like, etc.
I'm just going to be honest and admit that I have a site counter set up on my blog because....I'm actually curious if anyone is visiting and reading and finds anything of value in these posts and pages. And, that makes me a little sad....and I'm not sure why. Maybe because I feel like it reveals a side of me that does want the approval and affirmation of others. And, maybe it's because I want to believe that I have something important to say.
Fame. I think people have always sought it. I think we've all seen people (and mostly celebrities or wanna-be celebrities) who desperately want to be recognized, admired, and notorious...and they are willing to do almost anything to make it happen. Lady Gaga is the epitome of that for me right now. I mean for one, her album is called...The Fame. And, she wears really crazy, over-the-top-enough-to-make-Cher-pause outfits, and done some pretty crazy things on stage. I've read articles where she has honestly and flat out admitted that all she wants is to be famous.
But how does that desire for fame and recognition play out in every day life -- the life we all live far-far away from the lights and glitz of Hollywood? I don't think that fame is necessarily what we average joes (and joelles) are seeking. But, I think it's similar.
And maybe I've finally circled the crux of what I've been pondering over the last few months. If Facebook, Twitter and blogs have shown us anything, it's that there is an overwhelming need in people to be recognized. We want to know that our thoughts matter -- that what we say is heard and acknowledged by people who love (or "like") us. There's nothing quite as sad as a Facebook status update that says something like, "Jane Smith is feeling really low right now," -- and then there is no follow-up post underneath by a concerned "friend" inquiring about what's going on.
Life flows all around us so rapidly. It's easy to get caught up in that non-stop torrent, and it's sometimes just as easy to get sidelined in an eddy and watch the world rush on by. And we wonder, does anyone truly see me? Does anyone really care about what I think -- what I have to say about anything?
I've also been thinking about a story found in Genesis about a woman named Hagar. A lot of things happened to her that were not of her own choosing. Eventually she finds herself pregnant and alone in the desert. The angel of the Lord comes to her and tells her that God has heard about her misery. After he is finished, Hagar refers to God as "The One Who Sees Me."
I have always found that to be so simply profound. Did Hagar's circumstances change? Nope. In fact, if you look at what is said about her son's future, it's not really that great of news. But it did change her perspective. Hagar was left feeling....seen. Someone realized how miserable she was...how tough things had been for her. Someone cared. And, that seemed to make all the difference.
So, this blogging/social networking thing...it's not a bad thing. But I'm thinking (at least for me) that it can be all-consuming if I let it. I can concentrate so much on myself that I become -- self-focused.
I'm not going to end this post with a pretty bow (although I really, really want to...the English major in me that wants to make everything into an essay of After School Special proportions is protesting loudly) because the discussion and thought process in my own mind is still ongoing.
So, I'm going to let it....f-l-o-w...