tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23536150380451498342024-03-05T17:08:03.802-08:00Mosaic Mommamy life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.comBlogger166125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-39936515355464019032020-06-25T22:17:00.003-07:002020-06-26T08:49:42.660-07:00Adapt-nation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaF3EKySdDGvDzSuqRWdWVIEgtABQ74hOvlQm3CC9zh3SSEuJ2BujT8sEy2uLIjPhpDYKDsf47iOWUM1yQbXObssyLNEbbPqpU90CiKVwH05pZ_e95VzVy-w80-M2J7F5QMNRpuCqf5Ejv/s2448/IMG_5721.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2448" data-original-width="2448" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaF3EKySdDGvDzSuqRWdWVIEgtABQ74hOvlQm3CC9zh3SSEuJ2BujT8sEy2uLIjPhpDYKDsf47iOWUM1yQbXObssyLNEbbPqpU90CiKVwH05pZ_e95VzVy-w80-M2J7F5QMNRpuCqf5Ejv/s320/IMG_5721.JPG" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Today I saw a social media post about a group that will no longer be singing <i>The Star Spangled Banner</i> before their events. Their reasoning was the troubling slaver-owner history of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_Scott_Key" target="_blank">Francis Scott Key</a> and a problematic line referencing slavery in the third stanza of the poem (eventually set to song).</div><div><br /></div><div>My first thought was, <i>Yikes! This is going to make a LOT of people angry.</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>My second thought was meh...I'm not particularly fond of the song. It's hard to sing for most people. I also feel like it puts the focus on our flag (a piece of fabric) and nationalism rather than a tribute for the country, which I think I good national anthem should do. I'm more fond of <i>America the Beautiful.</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>On one hand, I could hold that many people would have strong feelings about changing something they see as a sacred song of our country. But on the other hand, I know that <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Star-Spangled_Banner" target="_blank"><i>The Star-Spangled Banner</i> </a>as our national anthem has only been a thing since 1931. Yes, that's a long time, but it's not 1776 long.</div><div><br /></div><div>Honestly, choosing another song to represent my country and in this present day of reckoning with our nation's troubled origins and trying to create a new path forward for all is fine by me. I can adapt.</div><div><br /></div><div>And it got me thinking about what an important skill adaptation is right now. And then I thought about how maybe I need to make it my 2020 Word.</div><div><br /></div><div>There have been many a December where I came up with one word I hoped would define and encompass the coming year. It's supposed to be a word that is pulsating with promise and hope. Some years I have done better than others at choosing a moniker. </div><div><br />This year, I didn't even try. December 2019, I was thinking about finishing up the school semester for my four homeschooled kiddos and looking ahead to tackling teaching a project-based class that would culminate in a trip to Greece as the trip leader, alongside of my high school senior daughter.<br /><br />I didn't have time to think, let alone dream.</div><div><br /></div><div>And I would say that 2020 completely shut down everything and made a mockery of most plans, hopes, and dreams. So maybe I just saved myself some angst?<br /><br />But today I am going to live on the wild side and choose to adopt this word mid-year because I think is one that needs to be widely embraced by many. </div><div><br /></div><div><b style="color: #41b375; font-family: courier; font-size: xx-large;">adapt</b></div><div><font face="courier" size="5"><br /></font></div><div><font face="courier">transitive verb</font></div><div><font face="courier">: to make fit (as for new use) often by modification</font></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">If there is anything we've had to learn to do in the time of COVID-19 is to adapt. And those who have been the most adept at adapting (see what I did there?) have had an easier go of it.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">Those who are the most invested and married to the status quo have had the hardest time transitioning to this new way of life. <br /></span></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;"><i style="font-family: inherit;"><font size="2">Why do I have to wear this mask?</font></i></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div><i style="font-family: inherit;"><font size="2">Is toilet paper my God-given right as an American?</font></i></div><div><i><font size="2">What if I don't want to stand on this line of tape six feet apart from the next piece of tape?</font></i></div></blockquote><div><i><br /></i></div><div>But what people are really asking underneath is more weighty.</div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div><i><font size="2">Why can't everything just go back to normal?</font></i></div><div><i><font size="2">Why do I have to let this go too?</font></i></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;"><i><font size="2">What if things are never the same again and I could lose all that I know and love?</font></i></div></blockquote><div><br /></div><div>I am not making light of the tremendous change we have seen in our country and the world over the last three-plus months. So many of us have lost sleep, gained/lost weight, felt depressed and anxious, had zero energy or too much energy and some have lost their health and even loved ones because of this pandemic. It's no joke and it's worldwide trauma. <br /><br />However, our response to this "new normal" or questioning of what will be a new normal says something about our own personal resilience. I think it's fair to say that some people possess more resilience than others. To me, resilience is a muscle that is built up from use. Childhood trauma, economic uncertainty, physical illness, isolation, and abandonment, are examples of many things that create resilience.</div><div><br /></div><div>The people alive during the Great Depression and World War II were known for making do with what they had. We've all heard the stories of food rationing, turning factories into war-manufacturing, and getting creative with what was on hand. Many of us had grandparents who refused to throw out a perfectly good emptied butter tub and used them as their own free Tupperware. Collectively, they had to use that resilience muscle. </div><div><br />They adapted. </div><div><br /></div><div>Thinking back to my education, I learned that mankind exists today because our ancestors adapted. They were able to make the physical, geographical and economic choices that allowed them and their descendants to survive. Those who didn't adapt did not survive.</div><div><br /></div><div>Although COVID-19 is devastating and I believe is the epic challenge of my lifetime (so far), it is survivable. We are existing. Some are even thriving. <br /><br />What makes it even more challenging is that it has exposed the many cracks in our democracy and fractures in the American dream and experience. What many have assumed is "de rigor" for all is actually not. The wide gulf between equality for all has been put on display for all to see and those who have been pushing and hoping for change are done waiting.</div><div><br /></div><div>So statues are being toppled. Protests are being held. Laws are being challenged. Old "heroes," names, and ways are being challenged and cast down. And some people want to change the face on our $20 bill and yes, even our national anthem.<br /><br />And some people are angry and confused. They wonder. <br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div><i><font size="2">If this goes, what's next?</font></i></div><div><i><font size="2">What if everything changes so much that I cannot cope?</font></i></div><div><i><font size="2">I don't know what to do with this discomfort and turmoil so I will dig in my heels.</font></i></div></blockquote><div><br /></div><div>It's all too much. </div><div><br />But we do not have the luxury of looking away or pulling covers over our collective heads. We have to embrace <i>what is</i> to get to <i>what we want</i>.</div><div><br /></div><div>We must adapt. We must make democracy fit. We most modify.</div><div><br /></div><div>These days I find that I actually don't know as much as I thought I did about my country of birth. I feel like I am learning about her true history and having to reframe her in a less flattering light. She is looking a bit haggard under these fluorescent lights, to be honest. <br /><br />But I still want to love her...wrinkles, age spots, and sordid backstory alike. And I do believe that the best of her people are varied, resilient, interdependent, and yes, able to adapt. Because we have done it over and over again in the four centuries plus we've been a nation.</div><div><br /></div><div>Will it be easy? Heck no. Will it hurt like hell in the process? Undoubtedly. Will it be worth it? Unquestionably. </div><div><br /></div><div>America is more than a song. She is symphony of voices of every kind singing together. But, the song is not as important as every single one of us singing it together.</div><div><span> </span> </div><div><br /></div>my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-42939975669908239782020-06-23T19:26:00.009-07:002020-06-24T18:25:51.513-07:00Braving My Wilderness<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC5MX5ucrHTo8zMkZ7OzkqpRwPdsLv9P-Xr4NodqsOLAdemZHic8KNMOKHt1LI5QfHgI65tqtevy_DiGRZiZfKfdPikM7PAI4zzK5l1vX5OeM7wL35zNnBDEZXT8oC-EClHKRe9wfF1lWI/s1600/backpack+away.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="809" data-original-width="1080" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC5MX5ucrHTo8zMkZ7OzkqpRwPdsLv9P-Xr4NodqsOLAdemZHic8KNMOKHt1LI5QfHgI65tqtevy_DiGRZiZfKfdPikM7PAI4zzK5l1vX5OeM7wL35zNnBDEZXT8oC-EClHKRe9wfF1lWI/s400/backpack+away.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><font size="1">Gazing out from Bell Rock at beautiful Sedona, AZ</font></i><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Have you ever walked away from someone or something for a season and wondered if you were really done and then something happens and it lets you know that you are <i>definitely</i> done?<o:p></o:p></div>
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I had that happen today. I have been on a journey the last four years that has been incredibly painful but also full of growth and hope and new opportunities. I always thought I would have written my way through it but there were a lot of things that kept me from doing so. </div>
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One was my own self-imposed silence to preserve the peace or not offend. (Sidenote: I know there might be some who follow me on social media thinking, "<i>that was you holding BACK</i>??") And yes, it was. I fully give myself many kudos from not unleashing my inner dam upon humanity. As a matter of record, I still don't go looking to do that, folks. But I also don't want to stay silent on things that matter to me because it may make someone else feel uncomfortable. (If you would like to keep your peace, click away. I won't be offended....honest.)<br />
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I have also been silenced by others. Well-meaning people (and some not so well-meaning) have told me that what I thought was wrong, misinformed, not led by the Spirit, immature, not the time or place, and many other things. I got the message. I should just be quiet.<br />
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But my silence has come at such a high personal cost. The price tag has been my own integrity and the silencing of my own inner voice that I have KNOWN was connected to the Spirit. So, I shut it down for the most part. There are books I could have written. Poems I should have written. Definitely letters I should have written (and probably sent). But I have not. </div>
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I have not been silent about the fact that I am no fan of Donald Trump. His integration and acceptance into the White evangelical church has been of the utmost confusing and disturbing to me over the last five years. The intertwining of Moral Majority politics, Christo-Nationalism, acceptance of degradation against women, the LGBTQ community and BIPOC led me away from the institution I grew up in because I will not remain part of a place/group that not only allowed Trump and all that he brings with him inside but warmly welcomed him. I don't think I will ever get over this. It's been one of the great heartbreaks of my life.</div>
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But today I cannot be silent. I am deeply grieved. I am outraged. And I am done. </div>
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Today is Tuesday, June 23rd. Today is also the day Donald J. Trump flew across the country during a world pandemic -- where the numbers in the U.S. keep rising out of control to a state that is one of the hot spots of the country. </div>
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Did he fly there to offer aid, to rally the healthcare workers, or to provide inspiration and hope for a nation on the brink of economic and medical disaster?<br />
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He did not. He flew there to speak at a rally.<a href="https://www.azcentral.com/story/news/politics/arizona/2020/06/22/expect-crowd-masks-students-trump-event-dream-city-church-phoenix/3231685001/" target="_blank"> A political rally</a>. It was not a Trump rally per se, but he was very much welcomed as the keynote speaker and for all intents and purposes he intended to and did use it to advance himself politically. He also used it to stoke the fires of racism and hate by continuing to use the highly offensive and racist term, "<i>K*ng Flu</i>." (Sidenote: I watched snippets of the video but could not watch <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVxwxC3jd4c" target="_blank">the entire thing</a>. I can't stomach listening to him speak. I don't know if it's an actual thing, but he gives me Authoritarian PTSD)<br />
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Not only did he spew this and more, but he did it in front of a group of children. Yes. This rally was for the Conservative group, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turning_Point_USA" target="_blank">Turning Point Action</a> which is now affiliated with or becoming Students for Trump. This is a group that is hooked in with the Christian Republican Moral Majority machine. <a href="https://twitter.com/cleavon_md/status/1275549702721683456?s=21&fbclid=IwAR1jg-KEOe0MyU5HoQBNBomy3n_3ObggvztAmTXUETZTJfozkZ6FPGj7fcE" target="_blank">These young attendees</a> are the true believers and defenders of the "Conservative Christian Way of Life."<br />
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It physically pains me to see him whip up hate against the mainstream media who were in attendance today. In a church. Encouraging Christ-following children to boo a group of people made in the image of God. In. A. Church.</div>
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I am appalled. I am angry and I am also sadly not very surprised. </div>
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Because all of this today happened in a church in Phoenix. An Assemblies of God church -- the denomination that I was born and raised into.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6xf5apQwCHs9qfrfuQgbkCboXqyZclE9lg0fdWY6q0Znt3-8LB05CDfiPSHgYkZp-Xjxxw422XVObfy3KVWsYJhQpWnY3vzw-Mc66qrbjaJQfF6gNoGe8JDZwJUrLOGueijPpkjL7-TtA/s1600/kung.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="635" data-original-width="750" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6xf5apQwCHs9qfrfuQgbkCboXqyZclE9lg0fdWY6q0Znt3-8LB05CDfiPSHgYkZp-Xjxxw422XVObfy3KVWsYJhQpWnY3vzw-Mc66qrbjaJQfF6gNoGe8JDZwJUrLOGueijPpkjL7-TtA/s320/kung.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The church said that they didn't know that Trump was coming until after they booked the event. They said that the rental of their facility does not mean endorsement of a political view blah, blah, blah. They said someone in their church invented a machine that will kill COVID and a<a href="https://twitter.com/VaughnHillyard/status/1275145487851458561?s=09&fbclid=IwAR11KQuyU7fU6aTSapvKtrPnm-ycFH9yYtKlmfQNG-EncJ0qsna_VVUDYXs" target="_blank"> now-deleted video</a> stating it's safe to attend, (Sidenote: It does not and it was not. Science continues to win out.) It is hard for me to see all those precious young people (estimated to be 3,000 souls) packed in that auditorium with nary a mask in sight.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZXwf79r0rN3U7GFQUVeS1xUOjNX3n76d1JFxCNwhq19PpP08MQjZby0h79SLJWnYEikfaDgFDXbw1X9-gjX1nyU-ipLZTDf2ETUPZM33PYz93xFWbkFo1Sh8kCCrAA6gLDl2PO1OU-Esj/s1600/DreamTrump.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="992" data-original-width="750" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZXwf79r0rN3U7GFQUVeS1xUOjNX3n76d1JFxCNwhq19PpP08MQjZby0h79SLJWnYEikfaDgFDXbw1X9-gjX1nyU-ipLZTDf2ETUPZM33PYz93xFWbkFo1Sh8kCCrAA6gLDl2PO1OU-Esj/s400/DreamTrump.jpg" width="301" /></a></div>
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And, the very worst of it is I know in my gut that the pastors and leaders of that church are THRILLED to have Trump there in their church. They are bursting with pride. They believe in what he is selling. Their students are part of Turning Point/Students for Trump. He is them. They are him.<br />
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I know that this is going to ruffle some feathers of friends and family who are a part of the A/G and who will see my comments as being disloyal, disgruntled, and probably more. My intention is not to attack you or make you feel protective of something you have membership in. I need you to hear that. I can love you and be your friend/family member and not agree about what is happening with the Church and Donald Trump in the USA. Please believe me when I say this. I am not trying to take down the Assemblies of God. But I see her for what she has become and I cannot unsee.<br />
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The denomination found its roots in the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Azusa_Street_Revival" target="_blank">Azusa Street Revival movement</a> in Azusa, CA in 1906 where Black preachers, female evangelists, the poor and even children found a welcome home and a place to worship together. Out of that place, a Pentecostal movement was born that unfortunately fractured quickly into many splinter groups. The A/G was one such splinter that I was born into in 1973. Over the decades I have seen it continue to grow into a group of people desperate for respectability. Tired of being viewed mocked as snake-handling and chandelier-hanging holy rollers, they wanted to be mainstream. And it came at a cost.<br />
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My experience in these spaces is one where White Maleness is centered. Not many Black people are in the crowd. There is a streak of White colonization that needs to be examined and addressed. LGBTQ+ people are firmly not affirmed or welcomed. (Sidenote: The A/G spurned Bobby Burke of Queer Eye fame. Bobby Burke, who is doing holy work on that show!) Although women can be and are ordained in the denomination, they are few and far between. Women are not given high-level leadership roles beyond the usual children's pastor or women's ministry leadership roles. "Biblical gender roles" and complementarianism are very much taught. And upon recently seeing a photo of the national leadership, both they and the local leadership is sadly lacking diversity even in 2020 -- over 100 years after Azusa Street. </div>
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I am so sad at what I see when I look at the denomination that raised me. Because she also made me who I am today. She gave me a sense of belonging, taught me how to stand up for the marginalized and oppressed, to love without expectations or requirements, to understand my giftings and personality as given by God, the opportunity to sing and train my voice, a community, the support to get an education, a beautiful start in my marriage and motherhood blessed with things for our home and life, biblical knowledge, and teaching, and so much more. I am grateful for these things.</div>
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But with the good, I also received the bad. And these are things that I won't go into in this piece because it's not the focus. </div>
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The focus is that I so desperately want the denomination that raised me to do better. </div>
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It's been the saddest and deepest cry of my heart for a long time and more insistently the last five years. I know she is capable of so much more than she is right now. Her roots are inclusivity and access to all. Her roots are humble and poor. Her roots are loving embraces, healing touches, and timely Divine words spoken to a soul in need. </div>
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And so, sadly, I have had to walk away from her because she is none of these things to me any longer. And yet, I hold out hope that she could be these things once again. She taught me that no one and nothing is unredeemable. Yes, even Donald J. Trump. But until that day comes, I'll be out braving the wilderness (thanks Brene Brown) with the other orphans, exiles, and weirdos.<br />
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I've found a home out here.<br />
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my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-47324514593176130882020-06-11T09:40:00.003-07:002020-06-24T13:35:16.570-07:00Unveiled<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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If I had our wedding to do over again, I would not wear a
veil.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Twenty-one years ago, I happily picked out the headpiece and
enough material to create both a veil and blusher that hid my face as I walked
down the aisle to matrimony.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This is what my mother did and so this is the way I thought
it was done.<o:p></o:p></div>
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To be hidden behind a gauzy piece of material breathlessly
waiting to be given and to be seen. To cross over from one phase of life and to
start another.<o:p></o:p></div>
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But I never asked myself, what purpose do veils serve? <o:p></o:p></div>
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To cover. To hide. To shield. <o:p></o:p></div>
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To say, “Not for you. Not now. Not yet” <o:p></o:p></div>
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In the book of Exodus, the presence of God upon Moses was so
intense that the Israelites begged Moses to put on a veil because his glowing
face from Divine proximity was just too much.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I think we like things to be shielded. I think somewhere within our humanity,
we’d rather intense and uncomfortable things stay behind veils. We don’t really
want the curtain to be ripped back and to see what lays naked and exposed on
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We’d rather not know.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The word <i><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><b>Apocalypse</b></span></i> is often made synonymous with
destruction and chaos. But it actually means to unveil. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Could it be that the thought of actually seeing something in
all of its ugly beautiful and raw and sometimes wretched power has the
perceived potential to destroy us? And the mere thought of that destruction or
undoing makes us pull that curtain tighter and back away further?<br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="color: #6aa84f;">We’d. Rather. Not.
Know.</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> </o:p>Paul of the Bible says we see through a glass dimly. But
what happens when we intentionally shroud our view because we are scared of
what we might see?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
I believe that veils are a human construct.<br />
<br />
Throughout the Bible, God has always extended a hand of friendship and intimacy
-- to step behind that mystical curtain, to walk alongside God in the cool of
the morning or sun-streaked sky of the evening. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The only people who have ever required and demanded a veil
have been us.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if we could be brave enough to take off our veils? To
ask others around us to remove theirs? To see each other as we are and not
shrink back in fear of what we may find?<br />
<br />
Let us walk joyfully forward bare-faced and unafraid into a life that we see
clearly, confident that while so many things are unknown and uncontrollable, we
will still have our steady and true gaze.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
And it will be enough.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
</div>
my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-53197771491427772502020-03-18T19:36:00.001-07:002020-03-18T19:41:22.066-07:00Art in the Time of Coronavirus<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOQLKiHP2BCrt5UQjFYLgAh7L506ZXHcJ_osjoKwaSRpXTFbhOyGTJ4wMgKT4hPtpIkcdWDQ8iB6McT436yxeyoMKke0zXHP8Jw4LFLjZLOv2RnoZMuOHVFO0Bjh0dvLGR4I2lKuqeYDio/s1600/bee.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOQLKiHP2BCrt5UQjFYLgAh7L506ZXHcJ_osjoKwaSRpXTFbhOyGTJ4wMgKT4hPtpIkcdWDQ8iB6McT436yxeyoMKke0zXHP8Jw4LFLjZLOv2RnoZMuOHVFO0Bjh0dvLGR4I2lKuqeYDio/s320/bee.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
This past week, I have had the privilege of watching a very good friend -- a kindred spirit -- fully inhabit her gifting as an artist.<br />
<br />
Like many women, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/sarahgeeseyartstudio" target="_blank">Sarah</a> wears many hats in her life. She is a wife, a mother, a homeschooling parent, a teacher (voice and art), and more. She has been raising three young men for the past seventeen years and as we all know, that job is all-consuming. It often does not leave much time for anything else.<br />
<br />
And yet, she has carved out the time to create. She has made it a point (with the nudging and support of her husband and three sons) to dedicate time to creating and putting out beauty into the world. And it is so very beautiful.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH_3isZF_AQ0oiIR5N5vBEKUR0EMUSdNJwc6k244lCIpOmpoBxutil-Ez9nc78MBXHpUX0U7jrUHbAUI6HQew51GxiFgrW_vOX0xQN3TDHn8B0MJFrxwLF-4cw_P8VoqsfJLtfuJ_psW4O/s1600/Sarah.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH_3isZF_AQ0oiIR5N5vBEKUR0EMUSdNJwc6k244lCIpOmpoBxutil-Ez9nc78MBXHpUX0U7jrUHbAUI6HQew51GxiFgrW_vOX0xQN3TDHn8B0MJFrxwLF-4cw_P8VoqsfJLtfuJ_psW4O/s320/Sarah.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sarah is the one in the middle in vibrant, colorful blue!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
While they were visiting our area of California last week, I got to see her in action in several venues and it was a great joy to see her shine in that space. I knew her way before the art exhibit, the painting classes, and magazine spreads. She is the same beautiful and authentic person now as she was then.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
One late night, we waxed poetic about where we find ourselves these days in the middle of life. We've known each other for two decades and so much has changed. In a world currently full of uncertainty, one thing we are certain of is that Art and Beauty are necessary now more than ever.<br />
<br />
In this crazy, hectic and frantic world, we often need reminders and permission to get off the hamster wheel and look around at the fluttering of leaves, the crimson paint of a sunset, and the joy of belly laughing with our children. We need to bear witness to the ugly beauty of life. Its joys and pains. Its highs and lows. How nature is formed in every brushstroke of every day.<br />
<br />
Sarah is marvelous. Sarah is talented. Sarah is brave.<br />
<br />
And I admit, I am envious of her bravery. Today, as I thought about art and beauty and the absolute necessity of both in this day of COVID-19, I will admit to a longing for the same dexterity in the arts.<br />
<br />
For me, writing has been both my passion and my nemesis. I doubt that calling and drive constantly. I worry that I am not good enough at it. That I don't have anything to offer people through it. That it's a waste of my time to sit here and pour out my thoughts. And that it's a waste of your time to read it.<br />
<br />
But Beauty.<br />
<br />
But Art.<br />
<br />
We need them.<br />
<br />
We need voices. We need paintings. We need dances. We need compositions. We need it all. Because Art is the very expression of our humanity.<br />
<br />
And if ever we needed to be reminded of the humanness of our humanity, it's at this very moment.<br />
<br />
I'm asking myself and I'm asking you...what can you put out into this world that is trembling with fear over what is yet to come? We have so much at stake. We are frail. We are vulnerable. We are hurting.<br />
<br />
But we have Art. And we have Beauty. And we have a Voice.<br />
<br />
I pray that we all collectively join these voices and share the Art within each of us and put it out into this world that is trying so hard not to be hopeless and helpless.<br />
<br />
Now is the time for the poets, the painters, the crafters, the orators, the digital creators, and the engineers. We need each one of us to dig deep and be creative. To create worlds and solutions and spur each other on to new and better things.<br />
<br />
The fate of our world (and our humanity) may very well depend on it.</div>
my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-37488449138754596152019-09-29T14:21:00.000-07:002019-09-29T14:40:33.708-07:00On Being Complicit<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNAlsJm1mODXsa9eUyRIZo45ammCmzxwNS4OsXPMySx75yHd1Xfqi2Jg7_t6dqmlraapTEKZaSSYwXPQ2R1LPIK3OEaBHcmypsn5cgBDrbCWpitT_q_yymwxLLI6OSi4uPD_kdfaUcbtgi/s1600/see-no-evil-hear-speak-260nw-516697531.webp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="280" data-original-width="312" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNAlsJm1mODXsa9eUyRIZo45ammCmzxwNS4OsXPMySx75yHd1Xfqi2Jg7_t6dqmlraapTEKZaSSYwXPQ2R1LPIK3OEaBHcmypsn5cgBDrbCWpitT_q_yymwxLLI6OSi4uPD_kdfaUcbtgi/s1600/see-no-evil-hear-speak-260nw-516697531.webp" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I have been thinking a lot recently about the word, "complicit."<br />
<br />
Our current news cycle is filled with the uncovering of the abuse of power across many different institutions from USA Gymnastics, US politics, and evangelical mega denominations.<br />
<br />
Most people, however, will never experience abuse at this level. Instead, many of us will experience it in our local gym, at our county chambers, or in our local church.<br />
<br />
Those of us who have been abused and are still reeling and healing from it often try to make sense out of how it happened. We ask ourselves why. Why me? Did I do something? Why them? Is there something damaged inside of him or her?<br />
<br />
It is rare that abuse happens in a vacuum and it is rare that we are the first to suffer at the hands of an abuser. It is also rare for the abuser to act alone. In almost every occurrence, there are those who may not be directly involved but are complicit in the abuse.<br />
<br />
One of the definitions of <i>complicit</i> is "involved with others in illegal activity or wrongdoing."<br />
<br />
This can look like turning a blind eye to a pattern of abuse, demonizing or projecting upon the victim who is reporting the abuse, and doubling down on one's support of the abuser.<br />
<br />
One of the hardest areas to spot complicity in abuse is within a religious space.<br />
<br />
If you ask most people who attend church whether they would ever consider being complicit in abuse, most would be horrified at the notion. Yet it happens all of the time. Why you ask? Perhaps it's because we have been taught that churches are a safe place, or to trust leaders due to a perceived sense of divine authority. The world can be such a cold and cruel place and I am convinced that many need to believe that the Church is the last place where abuse can happen. Whatever the reason, parishioners have a hard time both spotting spiritual abuse and calling it as such.<br />
<br />
But this is naive.<br />
<br />
Abuse happens everywhere and no one or no place is immune. And it's this reluctance to see what is happening in front of one's own eyes that creates to a culture of complicity. It's cognitive dissonance. It's gaslighting oneself.<br />
<br />
And it allows the abuser to continue his or her abuse.<br />
<br />
As a culture, we need to do so much better in believing those who are crying out and exposing abusive behavior. We also need to be willing to do the hard work and examine our own hearts for complicity in the abuse cycle.<br />
<br />
Confused as to what is complicit behavior in regards to spiritual abuse? Here are a few indicators:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Refusing to see a pattern of abusive behavior. This can often look like people exiting the church and the fault always being found with them and never with those in power. This allows the cycle to happen over and over again.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Believing the "party line" from authority figures without going to the other person/s involved for their side of the story. Many times leaders will call this "gossip" which is a tactic to discourage parishioners from seeking out those who have left or been abused. This assures that the authority's side of the story is the only one that is heard and is accepted.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Backing up an authority figure and lending your weight to his/her actions. Abusers often gather a large group or committee to sanction their abusive behavior. This can look like scheduling meetings where the authority brings in several people on "their side" as a form of intimidation to the individual they want to control.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Bowing to pressure to cut off or avoid community members who have left. Often parishioners are told those who have left are unsafe and under some sort of suspicious behavior. This ostracizes those who are "out of line" or no longer "one of us" and puts pressure on them to either come back into the fold and/or serves as an example to what can happen to those who are still part of the flock. "Do this and you will be cut off too." People will put up with a lot in order to stay within their community.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Not speaking up against authority figures who speak ill or libel those who are questioning or have left. Abusers will use this tactic as a loyalty test. Most people understand this at some level and will not speak up for their community member because they understand that this could also happen to them.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Going along to get along -- believing that God is in control and will magically work everything out. This may be true, but God has a long history of involving others in the defense and liberation of others. Choosing to stay silent and go along lets the abuser know that his or her abuse will continue to go unchecked.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />
<div>
I believe there will be a day of reckoning for those who are habitual abusers. They will have to answer for their behavior. But those who cover or sanction their deeds will also have to face what they have done one day. They might not have pulled the trigger, but they stood by and watched while it happened. And some times, they handed the abuser the weapon.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
If you have been complicit in abuse, there is good news for you.</div>
<div>
<br />
You can stop.<br />
<br />
Abusers rely on people to remain silent. To sit down and shut up. To put up with the discomfort and ignore that voice of conscience telling them that's something is off. History is full of authoritarian leaders who relied on the silence of others to perpetuate their oppression and abuse of power.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Do you know what stops them?<br />
<br />
People who refuse to participate in the abuse, speak out against the abuse, stand up to the abuser, and report the abuser to a higher authority.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Abusive people want people to think they hold all the power. But they do not. It's an illusion. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And it's up to those who are witness to this abuse to expose the illusion as the fabrication that it is.</div>
my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-62714401923729260182018-09-25T21:31:00.000-07:002018-09-25T21:31:02.705-07:00Taking the Proverbial Cake<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-iXxoiFI5KnPWFkLrkPvqmi3US0iOX9tM8AGPc7hUTFnvS96y0MCgDSAUmsps4Bl6tSspn1Tl2_nThvPasRDcGV-PxgEQq-Xrga19pFIfs0S-MRc5lnkYsBGUsfCwv84Dm9JuSZxzpLF1/s1600/Poop_emoji_movie.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="809" data-original-width="525" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-iXxoiFI5KnPWFkLrkPvqmi3US0iOX9tM8AGPc7hUTFnvS96y0MCgDSAUmsps4Bl6tSspn1Tl2_nThvPasRDcGV-PxgEQq-Xrga19pFIfs0S-MRc5lnkYsBGUsfCwv84Dm9JuSZxzpLF1/s320/Poop_emoji_movie.png" width="207" /></a></div>
Why??<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Why do I do it? </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Why do I even bother to click on these news
stories of old white dude after old white dude saying stupid word salad about
something they know nothing about.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
I think perhaps I dare to hope that one of them will surprise
me and have a heart and a conscience and speak out on the side of women who tell
their stories of sexual assault.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Not surprisingly, the article I just read was more of the
same sewage many a white dude-bro compatriot has been trotting out, including
<a href="https://www.mosaicmomma.net/2018/09/white-washed-empty.html">Franklin Graham’s gem</a> from last week.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
This one takes the proverbial cake. However, it’s a cake made out of crap.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">take the cake</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
</div>
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">To be the worst in a series of negative actions.</span></li>
</ol>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2018/09/25/politics/kevin-cramer-kavanaugh-north-dakota/index.html?__twitter_impression=true">Here is the article</a> -- in all of its hair-pulling entirety -- should you enjoy eating crap cake or are just curious as to how far mankind has
sunk. (Spoiler alert: it’s really low.)</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Kevin Cramer is a Congressman in the House of
Representatives for North Dakota. He announced in January this year that he
would not be seeking to run against incumbent <span style="text-decoration-line: none;"><a href="https://heidifornorthdakota.com/">Heidi Heitkamp</a></span>’s for her Senate seat, but instead would run for
re-election as Representative. A month later he changed his mind and decided to
challenge Heitkamp.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_Cramer">Wikipedia states</a> that:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>“In June 2018, The Washington Post reported
that Cramer had contacted the White House to seek political help in his Senate
campaign and that Cramer was upset that President <span style="text-decoration-line: none;">Donald
Trump</span> had not publicly criticized incumbent Democratic Senator
Heidi Heitkamp in the same way that he had criticized other Democrats. Cramer
later publicly criticized White House staff and argued that Trump was
refraining from criticizing Heitkamp because she was a woman.”</i></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
This is who Cramer is -- a guy who is not afraid
to let his misogyny flag fly. So it may not shock you that these are some
of the soundbites he recently offered up.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"My point was that there was no type of intercourse
or anything like that," Cramer said. "That was my point, that nothing
happened in terms of a sexual event beyond, obviously, the attack."</i></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Yeah....nothing happened...you know besides being pinned
down on a bed and having a boozy dude cover your mouth with his sweaty
hand. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Cramer keeps dropping some dope knowledge with these feel-good words...<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>“Well she admits she was a 15-year-old that had been
drinking at a party that -- I mean, how many 15-year-olds handle a lot of
alcohol, you know, 36 years ago? When it wasn't that common, by the way. ...
Thirty-six years ago it wasn't that common for 15-year-olds to be at booze
parties," Cramer said.</i>”</blockquote>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Really...hmm. All the "Animal House" genre movies seem to
indicate that this party scene was pretty common — as well as, you know, the memories of Brett Kavanaugh‘s actual friends from that
time. Also, Cramer is a mere four years older than Kavanaugh and I find it entirely plausible he could be intimately familiar himself with the 80's-drunken-party-while-your-parent's-are-gone scene.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
But Cramer is not convinced that a non-penetration, sort of assault that basically Ford asked for because she had been participating in underage drinking was not really <i><b>that bad</b></i> because...<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i> “Even if it’s all true, does it disqualify him? It
certainly means that he did something really bad 36 years ago. But does it
disqualify him from the Supreme Court?"</i></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
I, myself, am comforted knowing that really bad things I did 36 years ago are not a disqualifier to the nice life I'm living today. I mean, I was nine, but I'm sure Hitler is wishing he would stuck around and waited a few more decades for his crimes to fade into irrelevance and his reputation to be rehabbed.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
If this is making your blood boil, rest assured, Cramer thinks there <i><b>is</b></i> something which could
disqualify Kavanaugh...<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"If it's found that he knew -- that he recalls it,
and knew it happened and lies about it, that's -- then I think that would
disqualify him. Because that's what he's doing today, not 36 years ago."</i></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Okay. Got it. Again. It only matters who I am and what I'm doing <b><u>today</u></b>. The past is a non-issue. Has no bearing on my character or conduct. Fabulous.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
This is utter lunacy. Why the heck does it even matter if it's proved that Kavanaugh lied? Just because 36 years separates these
two events, they both go to character. If past behavior is not an indicator of future conduct or morality, then why would lying LAST WEEK indicate the same? You can’t demand honesty and one and not
the other.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Who gets to decide the timeline effect of criminal and immoral behavior? Is it only pertinent if it was yesterday or last month or last year? Who gets to decide when we draw the line and say, "oh that was _____ years ago, we can't hold him responsible for what he did back then."<br /><br />Not to mention the glaring double standard of holding Professor Ford responsible for drinking alcohol thirty-six years later.<br /><br />I think it's time to stop with the veiled politeness and politicking and expose this charade.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
It's toxic masculinity. It's patriarchy. It's a not-even-kinda-thinly-veiled contempt for women daring to step out of their "proper place" to challenge men in the workplace and in the Senate. To say, "no more" to our bodies being your play thing and object of your fantasy.<br /><br />But it's also time to say, "Yes."<br /><br />"Yes!" to all the women who are coming forward and telling their MeToo stories. Who are saying, "Yes!" to taking back their bodies and equal place in this world alongside men (fyi...there are plenty of good ones out there). Who are saying, "Yes!" to running for political office and taking on men like Kevin Cramer (Shout out to you, Heidi Heitkamp!).</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
And maybe I need to take a lesson here and say, "No!" to clicking on more of these toe-curling articles and "Yes!" to more cake....but chocolate cake. Definitely not whatever these guys are selling.<br /></div>
</div>
my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-70988981544454442192018-09-23T21:22:00.001-07:002018-09-24T09:39:21.472-07:00Dear America...it's not me. It's You.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg08K7iRva5aNk4JDeg3tnWtzTaC_PYhnky0U4b5SdvJFxuFTn89gwar4NILv-n5Mg7nFPITlOGK1kU4osl1kRbtsnnRi8GwHsC6xQcmuIZ-cV3P3FD1PBjn6lMu3WY-b6DnGbTDa34AspE/s1600/statueofliberty_julienneschaer_077__x_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1000" data-original-width="1500" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg08K7iRva5aNk4JDeg3tnWtzTaC_PYhnky0U4b5SdvJFxuFTn89gwar4NILv-n5Mg7nFPITlOGK1kU4osl1kRbtsnnRi8GwHsC6xQcmuIZ-cV3P3FD1PBjn6lMu3WY-b6DnGbTDa34AspE/s400/statueofliberty_julienneschaer_077__x_large.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br />
Dear America,<br />
<br />
I have heard many people refer to you as the <i>Land of Opportunity</i>.<br />
<br />
Today, I have an amazing opportunity to share with you. I wish I could say it's a once in a lifetime deal, but you've been down this road before.<br />
<br />
Take a deep breath and a giant step back and look at the state of our Country. We are hanging on to our cultural integrity by the slimmest of threads. Lady Liberty's gown is showing some serious tatters as she tries to use her torch to light our way through this mess.<br />
<br />
The opportunity is one that you've had before over the centuries.. However, time and again you have refused to acknowledge and change. So, as with most things of this nature, opportunity has once again presented herself.<br />
<br />
And once again, you have the opportunity to make a different choice.<br />
<br />
Here it is...don't miss it.<br />
<br />
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #38761d;">Are women who allege sexual assault worthy of your belief and trust?</span></h3>
<br />
No, don't frame it within the current political morass of the Kavanaugh appointment to the Supreme Court. That's just the current vehicle highlighting an ugly truth.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>You don't believe women</b></span>.<br />
<br />
Somehow you have made it easier to side with perpetrators and proclaim their "innocence until proven guilty," while making it harder (and nearly impossible) for women to offer some expected measure of proof that will convince you the alleged assault in fact took place.<br />
<br />
Some of us didn't actually see the face of our abuser. We didn't know his name. Yet somehow the way he smelled is forever recorded in our memory banks, as well as how the terror when he touched us electrified every synapse in our bodies.<br />
<br />
And for those of us who knew exactly who violated us and how they did it, we still didn't tell. Because he was a family member or a trusted friend. He told us that no one would believe us. He told us that telling would hurt our mother or our father. He said that it was no big deal and not to be so uptight about it. He said they would call us a slut or a whore because we clearly wanted it.<br />
<br />
And because some of us were so young, our still-forming and traumatized brains trying so hard to protect us, took that horrific memory, stashed it away in a dark closet and tried to wipe the slate clean.<br />
<br />
But trauma doesn't work that way. It always finds its way out. And its rarely ever in the moment of our choosing. It's rarely clean and tidy and easily-processed. It's traumatic and messy and agonizing and shaming. There is profound and pulsating grief for the little girl we once were or woman who has been forced to give up a part of herself she never wanted to give.<br />
<br />
See, the thing is that many of didn't keep the clothes we were wearing that day. We didn't set up a web cam facing our bed that evening. We didn't think we needed to constantly record our daily lives so we could capture physical and verbal abuse in the act.<br />
<br />
Because we didn't invite the abuse. We didn't want it. Many of us never wanted to think about it or talk about it again for the rest of our lives. We didn't think we'd have to prove our story to be believed.<br />
<br />
And the not being believed -- this is almost as bad as the abuse itself. And when you finally get up the nerve to share your most painful secret, are told you are believed but it is never referred to again and you are left on your own to work out the pain, trauma and heartache, this is the third type of betrayal.<br />
<br />
If you are fortunate enough to have been trusted with someone's deepest and darkest secret, please do not dishonor that. Please do not squander that trust and use it to shame someone later. For God's sake, do not "out them" before they are ready to share their own story.<br />
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And for the love, have the self-awareness to not post memes or share posts that call women's integrity regarding sexual assault into question.<br />
<br />
America, you are selling a prevailing and persistent narrative regarding women making false reports of sexual assault. In fact, estimates shows this happens in <a href="https://www.ourresilience.org/what-you-need-to-know/myths-and-facts/"><span style="color: black;">2 to 8% of REPORTED rape cases</span></a>.<br />
<br />
Put another way, 92 to 98% of the time, women are telling the unvarnished truth about their assault and assailant.<br />
<br />
This is an undeniably HIGH number of women who are telling the truth!<br />
<br />
So why do you insist on focusing on those 2 to 8% of cases rather than weeping over the other 92 to 98% of women who are coming forward and telling their stories of torment, sorrow and profound loss?<br />
<br />
Why are you not sitting and lamenting with these women? Why do you refuse to help them sort through the minefield of their trauma or leave them alone if they want to be left alone?<br />
<br />
To be honest, I don't know why.<br />
<br />
But I suspect it has to do with Patriarchy and Authoritarianism. Ah, the twin evils of our time and my own personal nemeses.<br />
<br />
We know that men are not the only perpetrators of sexual assault, but they are by far the most likely to do it. In fact, <a href="https://bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/SOO.PDF">in a paper presented by the Bureau of Justice in 1997</a> (already more than ten years old), they reported that 99 out of 100 perpetrators of sexual assault are male. Six out of ten are white, and the average age of a sexual assault perpetrator is in his early thirties.<br />
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Many of us already understand that sexual assault is <a href="https://www.samuelmerritt.edu/sexual_violence/myths_vs_facts">not just about sexual gratification</a>. It's also about power.<br />
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Those of us in this super crappy club that none of asked to join can tell you while our abusers sexual urges were most definitely being gratified, they chose to do it upon us because they had the power-differential to do so.<br />
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When men as a collective group feel that women are subject to and beneath them, then they literally put women <u>beneath</u> them.<br />
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This is Patriarchy.<br />
<br />
And Authoritarianism -- its evil twin -- is right there telling women to submit to their tormentors, to return to their abusers, to try harder to not make him mad, to cover up for heaven's sake...and worse allying fellow women who stand next to these "good men" and point the same finger.<br />
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That betrayal probably stings the most -- this complete and utter lack of empathy and compassion that some women fail to show their fellow sisters who have been ravaged and shattered.<br />
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But this is what happens when we are taught from elementary school to obey authority at all costs. That the uniform, title, badge, clerical collar or robes earns that person an automatic pass on all things suspect or alleged. That good little girls and boys respect and obey their elders.<br />
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This is equally toxic within the church. When people are trained and groomed to elevate title and position to a place that is not beholden to questioning or accusation. When it's taught that God requires you to acquiesce to your spiritual authority in all things and that the person who holds the power is God's "man or woman," then it's nearly impossible to speak out and to be heard.<br />
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Because how do you speak out against God?<br />
<br />
And so, those who do speak out are vilified and condemned. They are shunned and turned out. And the oppressor and abuser goes on to the next victim.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: #6aa84f;">My sisters and I are tired.</span></b><br />
<br />
So many of us in this wretched club of survivors just want to live our lives. We've cried the tears. We've done the trauma counseling. We've tried to move on.<br />
<br />
But America, you won't let us.<br />
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You keep accusing us of making stuff up, tempting "good men" with our womanly wiles, cooking up schemes to exact revenge or take someone down and dredging up the past instead of letting sleeping dogs lie.<br />
<br />
We're expected to let "boys be boys," and understand that they need to blow off a little steam, sow some wild oats, and engage in sexual escapades.<br />
<br />
We're accused of not letting these "boys" off the hook and indicting them for "indiscretions" they committed in their youth. As if they merely side-swiped a car without leaving a note. As if there is a statute of limitations on a ruined life and broken spirit.<br />
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And it's exhausting.<br />
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So we're wringing our hands, crying fresh tears, relieving the memories, and considering the most painful and traumatizing part of it all.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #38761d;">Telling our stories.</span></b><br />
<br />
Our painful, wretched, fraught, private, dark, evil, and highly-guarded stories.<br />
<br />
These stories are ours alone. They are ours to tell <u><span style="color: #38761d;"><b>if and when</b></span></u> we choose to tell them.<br />
<br />
But America, you are forcing us to tell them. <br />
<br />
Because we cannot be silent any longer while another sister gets ripped to shreds in the media and on our Facebook friends' pages. We cannot eat or think or catch our breath as the stories of abuse being told bring back to mind our own. We are tormented by what we know in our gut about assault and abuse and rape and pain and ripping and bruising and slowly coming back together again.<br />
<br />
And we believe....we so desperately hope that if you knew our stories...if you knew MY story, you would stop making blanket statements about sexual assault allegations and victims. You would sit down and shut your mouth about things that (thank God) you know nothing about. You would listen and would hear and you would feel and you would mourn.<br />
<br />
And then you would get up off your butt and do something about this jacked up rape culture in which we live.<br />
<br />
America, I believe in you. I still believe that you can change your ways and be that shining torch on a hill.<br />
<br />
Do you?<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-17230934500437595352018-09-20T20:20:00.004-07:002018-09-20T20:20:50.334-07:00White-washed & Empty<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="https://annointing.wordpress.com/2013/06/11/whitewashed-tombs/">Photo Credit</a></span></td></tr>
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Tonight I feel ill.</div>
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I just walked in the door from a long day spent away from home. The kids were a bit crazy. My head was already starting to pound.<o:p></o:p></div>
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And then I opened up Facebook.<o:p></o:p></div>
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And my vision went <span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;"><b>Red</b></span>.</div>
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Post after post in my feed was about Franklin Graham's
latest "profound comments" on the political and culture landscape of our country.
The headlines under the last post I scrolled by had me gasping in disbelief.</div>
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<i><span style="color: #272727; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;">"Franklin Graham on Judge Kavanaugh
Accusation: 'Not Relevant' "</span></i></div>
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Surprising even myself, I chose to click on the <a href="https://www1.cbn.com/cbnnews/2018/september/franklin-graham-on-judge-kavanaugh-accusation-not-relevant"><span style="color: blue;">news article from CBN</span></a> (Christian Broadcasting
Network), a conservative Christian news site that normally I would steer away
from to get a bit more objectivity. </div>
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You can image my shock when I realized that
the writer, Heather Sells, was not playing in her scathing recounting of Graham's
disgusting and tone-deaf comments regarding the Kavanaugh sexual assault allegations. (We Heathers aren't here to mess around, by the way.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="box-sizing: border-box; text-align: left;">
<i>The CBN reporter reminded Graham that Ford said she was
able to flee the alleged assault because of someone else’s actions, and said,
“It sounds like you think it's not relevant to him being considered on the high
court.”</i> </blockquote>
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<i></i><i>Graham responded: “No, I really don't. Because how far back do we go back
in a person's life? There's a lot of things that I've done when I was a
teenager that I certainly am ashamed of and not proud of. And if we're going to
hold people accountable for things that they did 40 years ago and say whether
it's relevant or not relevant.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="box-sizing: border-box; text-align: left;">
<i>"This is a tactic by the left to try to keep conservatives off the
bench and it's unfortunate that it's working. People are up in arms over this like,
'Oh, this is such a disaster.' You're talking about two teenagers 40 years ago.
That has nothing to do with what we're talking about today, about this man
being a judge on the Supreme court. And they call it a sexual assault? No, I
don't believe it.” </i> </blockquote>
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>I. don't. believe. it.</b></span></h3>
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What Graham is really saying is, <span style="color: #6aa84f;"><b>"<i>I don't believe her</i>.</b></span>"</div>
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And those of us who belong to one of the worst type of clubs out there are feeling the thousands of micro-blades attacking our soul as we hear those words. And for some of us, rage. </div>
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Pure and pulsating <span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;"><b>RAGE</b></span>.</div>
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Tell Professor Ford that being sexually assaulted (regardless if there was "follow through" on the sexual part of the assault) is irrelevant. Tell her that because it happened decades ago, it doesn't matter anymore. </div>
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In fact, while we're at it, let's let all the 17-year-olds who have committed crimes or attempted to commit them be let of juvenile hall and prisons right now. Because Franklin Graham says "it's irrelevant."</div>
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And finally, let's tell all fifteen-year-old teenage girls that the abuse they have endured is nothing to get agitated about. In fact, in 40 years time, it will all fade into irrelevance. And for sure we don't want to hear about it because we know you are just making things up, trying to destroy the reputation of a "good man."</div>
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Where are all these alleged "good men?"</div>
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I’m looking around these days trying to find any among
these elderly patriarchal white males with a national platform, and I'm not
seeing any.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Any shred of respect I might have had for Franklin Graham
(that was likely more of an overflow from his father) evaporated leading up to
the 2016 election. And this just proves to me that the power-grasping,
do-anything-or-say-anything of this man and his fellow cronies is entirely
anti-antithetical to the Gospel that he claims.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In addition, I am very aware that Graham and the rest
were very glad to hold Bill Clinton accountable for his affair in the White
House, they are gleeful at holding Hilary Clinton accountable for a litany of
sins, and anyone else the deemed to on the "wrong side." <o:p></o:p></div>
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However, when it comes to "their side"...no one
can do any wrong. Not a president who talked about grabbing women by their
genitalia and has boasted of numerous extra-martial affairs. Not a <a href="https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2018/05/23/613604818/head-of-southern-baptist-seminary-removed-over-remarks-on-rape-abuse-of-women">fellow pastor</a> who has been exposed for encouraging a woman to be beaten by her husband if it
would help lead said abusive husband to Christ. Not <a href="https://www.christianitytoday.com/news/2018/august/willow-creek-bill-hybels-heather-larson-elders-resign-inves.html">another fellow pastor</a> who
resigned from his megachurch in disgrace after multiple reports came out of his inappropriate overtures to women who worked with him. At this point, I think a Republican
conservative could sexually assault a woman in public on Fifth Avenue and Graham and the
rest would say, "Irrelevant!"<o:p></o:p></div>
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I've spent the last three years deconstructing my faith and reconstructing. I don't know what label to give myself these days...Exvangelical?...still
searching? </div>
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But I'm not this. I could never be and will never be this. And, I am having a very hard time how any believer in
Jesus Christ could align him/herself with this foul rubbish.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This is deadly serious.</div>
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What once was a "difference of opinion" or
politics has just entered a new crazy Twilight Zone in which the "party of
morals" just sold the last shred of their soul in their unquenchable lust for
power and seats on the Supreme Court.</div>
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Anyone who has read the <span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;"><b>Red</b></span> letters of Christ in the gospels should be able to see that this is not what He stood for. It's not what he died for. He laid aside all claim to cultural and political power. He espoused loving your neighbor, caring for the widow and the orphan and freeing the oppressed.<br /><br />This is not that.</div>
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Not by a long shot.<br /><br />Faith and religion is a fraught topic and I know that I cannot wade into all the morass of Trumpian politics. But I can and will beg us all to take a step back from "religious leaders" whose words show that they care more about a seat for themselves at the table than they do about caring about a person's heart and soul.</div>
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<br />This is not the Way of Jesus.</div>
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<br />This is empty, dead and cold-hearted religion -- devoid of all empathy and compassion.</div>
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<br />In the <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/verse/en/Matthew%2023:27">words of Jesus</a>, these people are "white-washed, empty tombs." </div>
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my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-50426176815859764432018-09-17T20:56:00.000-07:002018-09-18T09:27:10.666-07:00Modesty Culture is a False Narrative<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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To be alive and paying attention in American society means that you are aware of the collective rage and pain of generations of women who are finding their voice and courage to share their <a href="https://metoomvmt.org/">#MeToo </a>stories. And for every one that you hear, I can almost guarantee you that there are likely five more you are not hearing and maybe never will.</div>
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The statistics vary, but in the year of 2018, it is said that <a href="https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics" target="_blank">one out of every three women</a> has been sexually assaulted in her lifetime.<br />
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This is staggering. </div>
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Look around you. Are there any women currently in your line of sight?</div>
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I see one daughter putting away dinner and through the door, another one working on her math homework. Between the three of us, one of us has been or will be sexually assaulted. (Actually one of us has already been, but I'll tell that particular story another day.)<br />
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Now look further out to the classroom in which you learn or teach -- to the gym you work out at -- and yes, even at the church you attend. It's not for the faint of heart, but if you are brave enough, count off 1, 2 and 3 and 1, 2 and 3 until every woman in that class, gym or church has been counted in the most horrific of societal tallies.</div>
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For those of us who have been sexually abused, there are few statements that grate more upon fragile hearts than these:</div>
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<i>What were you doing?</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i>What were you saying?<br /><br />What were you drinking?</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
and the very worst one of all...</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
</div>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
<i><span style="color: #6aa84f;">What. Were. You. Wearing?</span></i></h3>
<br />
All of these questions send a not-so-subtle message to the victim that our assault was potentially preventable. That we could have avoided being violated if we had just...<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Done something differently.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Said something less suggestively.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Drank something less irresponsibly.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Worn something less invitingly.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
And the collective anguish rage and sorrow builds because what no one is saying is the very thing we all are desperate to hear.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
No matter what you did, said, drank or wore...it's not your fault. It's not your fault that someone decided to view you as a piece of meat or ass rather than a human being with a soul and a heart and blood flowing through your veins. It's not your fault that someone decided their need for power or their lust was greater than your right to remain intact and whole. It's not your fault that someone else decided that their strength should be used to exploit your perceived weakness.<br />
<br /></div>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">It's. Not. Your. Fault.</span></h3>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
But unfortunately, this is rarely what is said aloud and it's even more rare to hear this in the private agony we share with so few people.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
I'm not sure exactly how and when human beings started blaming victims for the behavior of their abusers. But I think it's probably been since the beginning of the Fall of mankind in the Garden of Eden. No one wants to take personal responsibility. Yet, as a collective society, we are also uncomfortable living in a society where <a href="https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics" target="_blank">91% of rape victims are female</a>, and in eight out of ten cases, the victim knew the perpetrator.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Rather than admit that we have a endemic social crisis on our hands and get down to the painful but honest business of addressing the why's, how's and who's, it's apparently much easier to lay the blame at the feet of the very ones who have been hurt and victimized.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
And so we blame the clothing.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
It must be the clothing.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Even though studies have shown again and again that rape is not just about sexual release, but about <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/aug/29/rape-about-power-not-sex">power</a>, we still want to make someone culpable. But for some reason, it's not the rapists, molesters, predators, we want to keep accountable. We want "both sides" to be accountable.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Even though there have been <a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/powerful-art-exhibit-powerfully-answers-the-question-what-were-you-wearing_us_59baddd2e4b02da0e1405d2a">art exhibits showing the clothing worn by sexual assault victims</a>, and the overwhelming percentage of them are not sexy in the slightest.<br />
<br />
It's a symptom of a sick society. It's a symptom of a society still steeped into patriarchal practices and cultural mores. And for some reason, millennia later, we're still drinking this poison.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
And for me...a former pastor's daughter who was raised in church, it's nowhere more ugly than it is when it's practiced in the "name of God" and happens within the Church.<br />
<br />
I am just starting to understand how much of my former belief and life in Christian community has been steeped into the movement of Purity Culture and modesty as dictated by Patriarchy. I can't pinpoint the exact place and moments I learned it, but I grew up understanding that my body was the source of temptation and potential illicit thoughts and behaviors by the boys and men in my life. I learned that I had to guard it like a precious treasure and keep it locked down so that I didn't cause my fellow brethren to stumble.<br />
<br />
I didn't hear any teaching on not objectifying women's bodies or isolating specific body parts and using them for sexual gratification or pleasure. It was more about us females keeping it locked down and covered up until such a time (marriage) as it was permissible and then anything could go. (The harm in this way of thinking is another post unto itself for another day.)</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
This is why during the Jesus Movement as young hippies were flooding into churches with their mini skirts, they were given ugly elastic-banded skirts to cover up, lest their thighs....well, you get the picture.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
This is why some churches had a "no shorts on campus" policies -- lest the smoothly shaven legs of an adolescent girl tempt the boys into lusting. Although this didn't stop a boy off a church campus who was two years older than me from running his hand up my fourteen-year-old ankle past my knee up to my thigh and sighing, "Smooth...just the way it should be."<br />
<br />
As if it were his God-ordained right to put his hands on my body and pronounce it acceptable. I didn't have the courage or words to voice how violating and objectifying it felt sitting next to him in that backseat for the duration of the car ride. </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
You might say, well that was then...we've come along way since.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
Have we, though?</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
The recent public groping of Ariana Grande on stage and on camera tells me that we have not come nearly far enough. Again, it's another post for another day, but you can clearly tell from her body language that the bishop's invasive and unrelenting touch is unwelcome and uncomfortable. His non-apology sealed the deal for me that we haven't gotten the message as a collective society. And scrolling through many of the news articles and posts, the number of women who shared that they understood Grande's likely distress was heartbreaking and more so because they were <a href="https://www.glamour.com/story/growing-up-in-the-church-i-know-the-ariana-grande-groping-moment-well">responding as women who had been groped and abused within the church</a>.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
And then came the questions....and the loudest was, "why did she wear that short black dress?"</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
The church could and should be doing better. We need to stop focusing on women's attire (or lack thereof), their speech, the way they sing, move their bodies, and general way of being, well...women as an indictment and proof of our intrinsic intent to lead men into lust and sin. (We can't even get into the many cultures that do not fetishize breasts but see them as means to feed offspring and thus, do not even bother to cover them.)</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Because there are so many of us who are hurting and have been broken down by the very culture we live within. And there are many who still look to the Church as a safe haven for their weary souls. And what are we concerned with? Whether or not they are showing too much cleavage.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
Truly, one of the saddest things I ever witnessed happened in
the bathroom of a very prominent evangelical church. I was in line to use one of
the stalls and a young woman who was very visibly distraught (you could tell she had been
crying) was hurriedly trying to clean up stuff off of the not so-big-counter.
From what I could deduce from the hiking backpack next to her and the toiletries and towels and random gear out, she had been trying to use the sink to "clean
up" (her hair was wet, etc) during the worship portion. As we women are wont to do, we flooded out during the transition time and her private cleaning up quickly turned into a show. She seemed embarrassed. <br />
<br />
We all just sort of waited in line and watched her
struggle to get her items in her pack. There was some serious distressed energy
pouring off of her and because I was a visitor and wasn't sure of what to
do/say, I didn't do/say anything. I will add that she was wearing a very
low cut tank top over a very colorful lacy bra which was very visible.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
But then an older woman spoke up who was in line ahead of me. I recognized her as
sitting a few rows ahead of me inside the sanctuary. She had been singing enthusiastically and had responded as part of the prayer team during the time of worship. She looked like a motherly type for someone who honestly looked like she could use a mother in that moment. So
I was ready for her to say something of import to this young woman. </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
And you know what she
said? </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
"<i>Dear, you might want to put on another shirt or sweater, because it
gets pretty chilly inside the sanctuary and we wouldn't want you to be cold</i>."<br />
<br />
My insides crumbled because the way she said it left zero doubt that it was not out of concern
for this young woman's comfort but out of a desire to cover her up. All of us in that line understood that this was a passive-aggressive way to shame this young women into changing or putting on more clothing.<br />
<br />
I shuffled into the next available stall and struggled with what I should say or do. And I didn't honestly didn't know. So I washed my hands, dried them and slid a decorative button over towards her that she had overlooked and said something lame about guessing it belonged to her. </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
And then I left.<br />
<br />
I'm not proud of that. I went back inside the not-chilly-at-all "sanctuary" and saw the back of that lady's head, shaking in affirmation over the points made in the sermon. As my shock and sorrow subsided, I could feel the anger building inside because here was this distraught young woman IN CHURCH -- the very place she should be welcomed and she was being told, "<i>you don't look right. Please
change. Your boobs might cause my husband/son/friend to stumble and that's more
important than the state of your heart/soul</i>."<br />
<br />
I resolved to find that young woman and try to say something. To do something. But when I went back, I couldn't find her. And I never saw the
young woman again.<br />
<br />
I have a lot of regret about what I didn't do or say that day. But, I'm grateful in a way that it still stings because it forever changed the way I think of modesty and its place in our society and within the Church.
I hope that young woman found someone else who was kind to her that day who didn't talk about
her clothes, her intent or her modesty, but told her that she was of value, and
that she bore the image of Christ.<br />
<br />
I so desperately hope she heard that message and received it. Because I am her. She is me. We must rise up as a collective society and refuse to sexualize bodies and clothing and anything else that will make the awful statistic of 1 out of 3 go any lower. I refuse any notion that one day I would look around at one of two beloved women of this Sisterhood and wonder which one is the statistic.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">This. Must. Change.</span></h3>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<br /></div>
my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-13960831567231050292018-09-07T11:08:00.000-07:002018-09-09T09:57:18.096-07:00One Wild Leap<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
<br />
I swear that the Facebook TimeHop feature is the source of both laughter and grief on a daily basis. And many times it's both...at the same time.<br />
<br />
My babies insist on getting older by the minute and sometimes seeing their little faces from even a year ago (let alone several years ago) steals my breath away. It's the cruel irony of motherhood that we are raising our kids to be independent and leave us behind. We want this for them, but at the same time, we want to press them close to our bodies and never let go.<br />
<br />
Ouch.<br />
<br />
Today, I saw a post I had written in 2011 about how I hated the kids' homework as much as they did and that's why I would never homeschool. Little did I know, that a few months later we'd be pulling our two girls out of school and...homeschooling them.<br />
<br />
Oh life.<br />
<br />
We think we have you all figured out and then you come along and smash our ideals, show us another perspective, bump into our pride, and basically upend what we thought was normal.<br />
<br />
This girl. This jumping young woman who was about to turn 40 and had a plan to <a href="http://www.mosaicmomma.net/2013/09/fab-4d.html" target="_blank">kick 40's butt </a>and leap into a new decade...this becoming-free, desperate for change female daughter took at leap on a mountain top at the pinnacle of Rocky Mountain National Park with fellow kindred spirits. This dear, more innocent woman didn't have a clue about what she was about to leap into.<br />
<br />
All I knew back then is that I was ready for things to be different. Turning 40 was a wake up for me to start living a life I wanted to having a starring role in. I think every mother loses herself during those all-consuming early years of her children's lives. There is so much to do every moment of every hour of every day. It's very hard not to let pieces of yourself go because you just don't have the space to hold them. I know this is part of motherhood. The sacrificial letting go.<br />
<br />
But I also know we can let too much of ourselves go. If we are not careful, we can lose more than our preferences, free time, fashion sense, hobbies and nights out with the girls. We can start lose our very essence, pieces of our soul that are not easily recovered.<br />
<br />
So I think there is a natural time when mothers realize there is a reclaiming that needs to happen in order for them to remain intact.<br />
<br />
This was my time for that.<br />
<br />
Turning 40 was a great experience and I crossed many things off my to-do checklist and I know that year reoriented my trajectory in the very best way possible.<br />
<br />
Reexamining my life, my priorities and even my deepest hopes and dreams led me to new places. It certainly let us to our <a href="http://www.mosaicmomma.net/search/label/Dream%20Saga%20series" target="_blank">farm life in the country</a>.<br />
<br />
It also led to the beginning of my <a href="https://www.mosaicmomma.net/search/label/Deconstruction" target="_blank">deconstruction and reconstruction</a> of faith and church.<br />
<br />
I'm not sorry I took that leap into the New.<br />
<br />
But I didn't understand five years ago the toll the leap over would take on my life and on my relationships. I didn't realize then that the changes I would experience would not only confuse friends and family, it would create distance and in some cases, brokenness.<br />
<br />
Looking out now at some of the wreckage and detritus, I think about what I would tell that almost-40-year-old jumper. Would I sit her down and show her a fast-forward montage of how it would all go down? How her emerging freedom would show the binding marks in other areas of her life, in the lives of others that she loved dearly? Would I caution her to count the cost and think very carefully about what she was about to do?<br />
<br />
I think I would climb up there and jump with her. I would laugh and remind her of all those who have poured into her life and shown her the way of freedom. I would remind her that vacant places allow for new faces and hearts. I would remind her that she has walked through so many tears and heartache in her life and that it has made her strong for the journey ahead. I would prophesy that although many things fade away, faith, hope and love always endure.<br />
<br />
I would hold her close but I would not talk her out of taking that leap.<br />
<br />
Growth has a hidden cost. I can't think of any metamorphosis experience that doesn't leave something behind in the becoming.<br />
<br />
But staying in that snug cocoon is not an option. What once was cozy and comforting can become a tomb if we stay in it.<br />
<br />
I have shed many tears over what I have lost, but I have raised more hands in triumph and wonder over what I have gained.<br />
<br />
Looking at this photo of the five-years-ago-me, I see something I haven't before. My fist. Although I am leaping and defying gravity and bondage and my own cocoon, I am also resolved. My upraised hand is clenched into a fist of defiance and determination. (Sidenote: I'm flashing the "smash the patriarchy" sign before I knew what it was.) I see that girl and I she is me today. I still choose to leap. I still choose the inconvenient and difficult over the comfortable....yes, even despite the heavy cost.<br />
<br />
Our personal freedom is too precious to squander. It's too costly to waste.<br />
<br />
My hope is that all who are yearning to take their own leap muster up their courage and soar. Yes, your feet will eventually come back down to earth, but oh, the gravity you will defy and the bonds you will break as you do it.</div>
my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-71992504832058947202018-01-21T16:49:00.000-08:002018-01-22T11:29:51.714-08:00Show Me Your I.D.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
It is apparent to me that the Church is going through an identity crisis of epic proportion -- both as an institution and as a group of believers.<br />
<br />
I'll save the former for another blog post because in this post, I'd like to dialogue about the identity crisis of the latter.<br />
<br />
As mentioned in recent posts, I have been going through my own personal identity crisis and wilderness experience, which I have started <a href="http://www.mosaicmomma.net/search/label/Be-wilder%20series" target="_blank">writing about</a> and will continue to write about.<br />
<br />
In the last few years, I have wrestled with how to address and give voice to the warning flags I feel compelled to raise, yet not lecture or alienate people whom I deeply love and with whom I have relationship.<br />
<br />
And so I have stayed quiet for the most part...at least publicly. After receiving a fair amount of push back for speaking out, I retreated inward and saved these conversations with my trusted few and Twitter. To be honest, it's felt lonely at times because I have not heard a lot of other voices speaking out about these topics.<br />
<br />
Until recently.<br />
<br />
God is a lot of things, but one of my favorite things about Him is that He's never late. He's a superb Time-Keeper and the way that He brings about events and people never ceases to amaze. And lately, He has been bringing other voices into my life who are speaking the same message and it's been so full of Life for me.<br />
<br />
I believe the groundswell of like-minded believers who long to see the Kingdom be reflected on earth as it is in heaven is beginning. The tide is turning and the addled, ailing, complacent, comfortable Church is starting to stir from her sickbed to take her place as a mother to those most vulnerable and hurting, to bind the wounds of the broken-hearted, stand up for the oppressed and speak out against those who would use Jesus as a shield for the religious corruption and false-piety.<br />
<br />
I could not be more thrilled or cheered to see this taking place in people who have been disenfranchised with the Church and have removed themselves from the institution for the sake of their own spiritual health and wellness. Many have been lonely orphans who have been watching, waiting and prayerfully ushering in this change. They have not ceased in their love for Christ and the Kingdom. They have prayed fervently and worked tirelessly to be Jesus in a broken world.<br />
<br />
I am also equally thrilled to see those who have been lulled to a pacified, sleepy state in their Sunday morning pew begin to shake off lethargy and start to rise to find their place in lock stop with Jesus.<br />
<br />
What is the reason for this Shift?<br />
<br />
I believe that Believers are hearing the Spirit's call to authenticity. I also believe they are yearning for a greater level of walking in Kingdom identity and authority.<br />
<br />
These last two are absolutely key.<br />
<br />
Identity. Authority.<br />
<br />
They go hand in hand in Kingdom-living. Both are vitally important for the Believer to understand and operate within. (I feel like they both warrant their own post, so I'll save Authority for another post.)<br />
<br />
<h2 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: x-large;">i d e n t i t y</span></h2>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><i>noun</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><i>a: sameness of essential or generic character in different instances</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><i>b: sameness in all that constitutes the objective reality of a thing: <u>oneness</u></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><u><i><br /></i></u></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><i>c: the distinguishing character or personality of an individual: <u>individuality</u></i></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/identity" target="_blank">Merriam-Webster</a> ranks this word in the top 10% of "popular words."<br />
<br />
I find this to be fascinating. And the reason I believe it's so popular is because people are compelled to understand who they are. There are personality tests galore. People are trying to "find their tribe." We are desperately trying to figure out what and who we are and how we both relate to and matter in this world.<br />
<br />
This is no different for the Believer today.<br />
<br />
As many sit in their pew or folding chair week after week, they start to wonder, "what am I doing here on earth? What's my individual purpose? What's my purpose in this gathering of Believers and do I have one? If not, why? What am I supposed to be doing here on the earth? Am I fulfilling that?"<br />
<br />
Much like I believe today's Church and churches are going through an identity crisis, so is the individual Believer. We understand that there is a missing component and we desperately want to know what and where to find it.<br />
<br />
It is my opinion that the missing component is our understanding of who we are in the Kingdom. We understand who we are in the collective Church (see definition B above). We understand that we adhere to the teachings of Christ and identify with fellow believers in a general way about what that entails (although I could argue we are missing the forest for a couple of trees -- again, another post for another day). We know where and to whom we belong, or maybe we understand where we do not.<br />
<br />
However, beyond that understanding, we are searching for what would describe definition C above -- understanding exactly how God designed us. What characteristics and personality traits He instilled in us before we were ever born. The things that get us out of bed every morning and motivates us to keep going when we want to quit.<br />
<br />
I believe God's people are longing to understand His heart and intention for each one of us -- that not only did He make us a specific way, He delights in us because of it, not in spite of it. The very characteristic or issue that has brought you the most pain in your life (being misunderstood or censured by people, has caused breakups or brokenness with others) was placed in you by God Himself.<br />
<br />
I'm not saying that God intended for you to be hurt or perhaps even hurt others with a personality trait, but the seed of that thing was placed in you for a reason to steward and bring to health so that you can work alongside of His son to bring healing and wholeness to a world who desperately needs what you carry inside.<br />
<br />
Rather than be disappointed by it or by you, He is championing you to dig in and discover exactly who He designed (with great intentionality) you to be and to be all of it. Much the way I champion my own children as they grow and mature in understanding of their own thoughts, motives, giftings, and strengths, I believe it thrills Papa God's heart even more so to see His children walking and moving in the wholeness of their Divine purpose and destiny. <br />
<br />
The false humility that has permeated many Believers that looks like being meek and humble and not thinking very highly or ourselves (or others) in the kingdom has resulted in a generation of Believers who have bought the lie that they have nothing worthy or good to contribute to the Kingdom and have ignored the invitation to partner with Jesus and willfully abdicated it to the paid staff of the Church.<br />
<br />
And then we wonder why we feel weak, powerless and apathetic.<br />
<br />
What I long to see for every Believer is in definition A above:<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><i>a: sameness of essential or generic character in different instances</i></span><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
When you absolutely know who you are, who you are not, what you carry in the Kingdom, what you bring to both a world that needs love and compassion and to a Church who needs to wake up and rise up, there are no boring ho-hum days of the "Christian grind." Every day becomes a new opportunity to partner with Jesus and bring healing, wholeness, restoration, freedom and new life to those with whom you interact (see Isaiah 61).<br />
<span style="color: #3b3e41; font-family: "open sans" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.64px;"><br /></span></span>This "sameness" of who you are does not change from a body of believers on Sunday to a work or school day the following day. It does not change or diminish in the dentist chair, the stadium seat or on social media. It literally oozes out of everything you do and all that you are. People sense it when you enter a room. They are drawn to it. They call it forth from you.<br />
<br />
This knowing and understanding of your identity to your very core brings both and intoxicating joy and incredible freedom.<br />
<br />
When you are living daily in freedom because you know to the core who you are and who you are not, you understand a few things:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>You do not have to scrabble with other Believers for scraps from God's table because you understand you are being given your slice of the pie. And actually, you understand it's not just a slice, you get your whole pie -- created just for you...just the way you like it.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>You don't have to operate out of envy over what has been given to another person because you have been given amazing gifts that only you can open and use. This means you can champion and encourage others to be all they were meant to be, because you are enough and you have been given all you need.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>You do not have to fear "the other" (refugees, immigrants, People of Color) taking more than you think they should get because "they have not earned it/don't deserve it/won't appreciate it/do not belong here/are not worthy and as deserving as I am". You understand that all of this is a gift and none of us got to choose our country of origin or level of ability and accessibility to wealth and comfort. You also understand bullet points one and two and therefore, you do not operate out of scarcity mentality.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>You do not have to arm yourself with rhetoric, talking points, internet memes, religious jargon, or party lines because you understand you belong to a Kingdom-minded community whose purpose is bring Heaven to earth so the way you view people, government and institutions is through a completely different lens. You do not have to operate out of the "rat race" that can be so ensnaring and consuming.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<br />
If you are on a quest to understand your identity, I will be posting about what I have been doing to home in on my spiritual identity and operate out of that understanding.<br />
<br />
If you are navigating through this already, I'd love to hear what you have been learning through the process and any insights you may have in helping people find their voice and identity.<br />
<br />
If you are interested in hearing from other voices from this groundswell of challenging hope, here are few you may enjoy:<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/sarah.styles.bessey/?ref=br_rs" target="_blank">Sarah Bessey</a><br />
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/theascendedlife/" target="_blank">Brian Orme</a><span id="goog_646966162"></span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/"></a><span id="goog_646966163"></span><br />
<a href="https://twitter.com/BreeNewsome?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor" target="_blank">Bree Newsome</a><br />
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/dochonda7" target="_blank">James Paul</a><br />
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/rachelheldevans.page/" target="_blank">Rachel Held Evans</a><br />
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/theliturgists/" target="_blank">The Liturgists</a><br />
<a href="https://twitter.com/BethMooreLPM?lang=en" target="_blank">Beth Moore</a><br />
<a href="https://twitter.com/KyleJamesHoward?lang=en" target="_blank">Kyle J. Howard</a><br />
<br /></div>
</div>
my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-40509883424469379462017-12-17T17:00:00.000-08:002017-12-18T13:15:03.252-08:00A Lament for Christmas<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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As part of my <a href="http://www.mosaicmomma.net/search/label/Be-wilder%20series" target="_blank"><i>Be-Wildered Series</i></a>, I wanted to share this "Lament" that was written by a dear friend of mine. To be honest, I was a bit afraid to read it initially, because I was not sure I could handle the waves of emotion.<br />
<br />
You see, my friend Gina has suffered.<br />
<br />
My smart, strong, confident, accomplished, independent friend has been brought low these two years by intolerable, persistent chronic pain. She has tried e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g to attempt to find a measure of relief, to get the pain to stop, to find out the mystery of what was happening inside of a body that has seemed to betray her.<br />
<br />
As a friend, it's been hard to watch her struggle and fight and surrender and now lament through something that feels often like a cruel punishment from the God we both love and have followed our entire lives. There are no lofty words to bring comfort. No scripture verses that ease the burning. There is only sitting in the sometimes awkward silence of suffering and holding on tightly to each other admitting I have no answers. I only can offer love and my presence.<br />
<br />
I was right to think I might not be able to handle the tsunami of pain in this lament.<br />
<br />
I could not. Tears streamed down my face like a waterfall as I read every word. It was so real. So honest. So true. So pain-filled, yet hope-filled. For anyone who has walked through intense pain, this is a window into waking each day into a nightmare that never stops...yet believing for a miracle that changes it back the normal life once taken for granted.<br />
<br />
May you be blessed as you read Gina's words...a lament during this Christmas season that often times feels like a gaudy overblown snow globe diorama for those who are still "adventing" for their miracle.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
November 29, 2017<br />
<br />
<br />
Yesterday was rough.<br />
<br />
It began like it always does. I wake with a sense of panic. You'd think my house was on
fire. But no, it just me waking up to my body. I feel a deep ache. It's everywhere. I feel the
burning intensify. Its everywhere too. But today my arms are by far the worst. I'm nauseated. I
have a headache. I notice my sciatic pain is better and for that I'm grateful.<br />
<br />
I'm in Lucca's room.
I've been sleeping there since his surgery in April. This way no one will disturb me while I sleep.
If I wake in the middle of the night the pain is too great to go back to sleep. I look up to his
newborn picture on the wall. I love his chubby face! A sense of dread comes over me. I ask
myself the same question I do every morning.<br />
<br />
"<i>Gina, can you handle today? Can you do it</i>?"<br />
<br />
"<i>Yes</i>," I tell myself, "<i>I can do today</i>."<br />
<br />
If I think any further the despair will sweep over me like a
heavy wave. I get up and help Trevi find something to wear. Auntie Pat is here to take her to school.<br />
<br />
"Why can't you take me to school mommy?"<br />
<br />
"Because I need to rest until I have to go to work."<br />
<br />
"Ugh. I just want you to be better," she replies with frustration.<br />
<br />
I lie down in "my" bed which Lucca now shares with James. I see his little head out of
the corner of my eye. I look down and he's in his Captain Underpants underwear with the little
red cape.<br />
<br />
"Mommy, I have a band-aid for your big boo boo. Where is it?"<br />
<br />
"Oh Bubba Boo, that's so sweet. It's everywhere sweetheart."<br />
<br />
"But I can't see it. Show me where it is!"<br />
<br />
James interrupts, "Bubba, mommy's boo boo is inside remember. We can't see it. Why
don't you give her a kiss instead?"<br />
<br />
By now the tears are streaming down my face.<br />
<br />
"But I have a band-aid!"<br />
<br />
Now Lucca starts to cry.
I've now been sick for half of his life. He doesn't know me any other way. Does he know I
used to run with him in the stroller? Does he know I used to carry him on my shoulders?
Trevi remembers. Her sadness is evident.<br />
<br />
The day ends as rough as it begins.
I tuck Trevi into her bunk bed. I tell her I'll lay underneath for a little bit while she winds
down. I lay in fetal position and scroll through the latest news of what Trump said on Twitter.<br />
<br />
"Mommy when are your going to get better?"
"I don't know sweetheart."
"What kind of sickness do you have?"
"Not sure."
"Why can't the doctors fix you?"
"Am I gonna get sick too?"
"When are we gonna do fun things together again?"
"Why isn't God answering my prayers?"<br />
<br />
I cry quietly. Hoping she doesn't hear me. She's seen me cry more than a hundred
daughters have seen their mothers cry.<br />
<br />
"I love you Trevi. Goodnight."<br />
<br />
The middle of the day wasn't any easier.
While getting dressed I shock myself by accidentally looking in the mirror. I feel like I'm in
a fat suit. Then I think of the "Friends" episodes where fat Monica dances. It makes me smile a
little. I brush my teeth which makes me throw up and I have to brush them again. I am so
frustrated.<br />
<br />
When I get to the office I have a Facebook message from an old friend I haven't spoken
to since this all began. She knows I'm sick because she messaged me once asking why people
are praying for me. Her message says she is overjoyed that she is miraculously pregnant with a
fourth child. She wants to share her excitement. She goes on to say how great she feels. I
immediately call Michelle. It only rings once.<br />
<br />
She answers by saying, "I knew this would be hard
for you," she says, "but I wasn't sure why."<br />
<br />
"I don't know either," I manage to say through my tears. "I can only talk a minute, I have
a client waiting. Why would anyone message me to say how good they feel???"<br />
<br />
"Oh . . . I don't know. She's just clueless."<br />
<br />
We agree it's not personal. I have several friends that just can't do this. Not because they
don't love me. But because they just aren't capable. It must be so draining to be my friend. I just
take. I have nothing to give.
I once told Sherri, "Aren't you tired of being my friend?”<br />
<br />
"Yes I am," she answered. "So you should feel loved that I'm not going anywhere."<br />
<br />
I told
her that was a good point.<br />
<br />
I go upstairs to have lunch with the colleagues. We pay bills. Then someone mentions
that my birthday lands on a Tuesday next month and we can't pay bills on that day. We always
get take out for birthdays. I start shaking my head like a little kid who doesn't want to go into a
classroom or is refusing to eat.<br />
<br />
"What, we can't do anything?" someone asks.<br />
<br />
"Nah," Susan says, "we went through this last year. Its not your choice who gets to
celebrate you."<br />
<br />
I start sobbing. Uncontrollably sobbing and shaking. The room is quiet. Micah grabs my
hand. I put my other hand on top of his hand. Sherri hugs my shoulders. "I just can't do it again,"
I say through my sobs.<br />
<br />
"I still can't believe this happened to me. This is the third time I have to
go through December like this. How do I celebrate a birthday when I'm so mad I was born?!?! I
hate my shitty genetics!"<br />
<br />
"I don't know," says Sherri with a grin. "Why don't you ask (insert the name of my most
depressed client ever)?"<br />
<br />
I start cracking up. A couple years ago I asked that client how his
birthday was and he told me it was the worst birthday since the day he was born. Inside I rolled
my eyes.<br />
<br />
I go downstairs to see the client I affectionately refer to as my oldest and youngest client
ever all wrapped up in the same person. I can barely stay awake during our session. She is
doing remarkably well and tells everyone she knows about EMDR. She spent 15 years in
therapy before seeing me. We map out the few things we have left to tackle before we can
terminate treatment. I get up to walk her to the door, a ritual that usually takes 5-10 minutes
because she needs at least three hugs.<br />
<br />
"I want you to know Gina, you are very good at what
you do."<br />
<br />
I chuckle and say, "I know. I have the best job ever."<br />
<br />
She grabs my shoulders and leans down so we are eye level. "You've given me a
miracle. How can I even begin to say thank you?" She has tears in her eyes and now so do I.<br />
<br />
As I watch her walk out I wonder, "where is my miracle?" Is there someone out there with the
skill and intelligence to figure me out? In the last two years I've had so many people come to me
in pain and leave with relief and joy. Is there healing for the healer? Will it happen this side of
heaven? Or is it just for other people?<br />
<br />
Even with all the pain my sister has had to endure she once told me, "I just have to
believe that abundant life is for me too. I must be included in it, right?"<br />
<br />
There is no reason not to believe a miracle won't happen. But there is little reason to
believe that it will. How am I to make peace with that? This is a never ending grief. There is no
distraction from it.<br />
<br />
Not ever!<br />
<br />
The pain never gives me a break. Not even for a second.
Its like I am running a race with no finish line. I want to take a break so badly. But there
is no respite. I used to get a break when I slept. I'd dream I was running, traveling, and laughing.
But now even in my dreams I'm sick.
When this first began, every day I had songs I would listen to so I could find the strength
to get out of bed and get dressed.<br />
<br />
I listened to my dear Becca sing "<i>Come thou long expected
Jesus . . . Joy of every longing heart.</i>"<br />
<br />
Now advent is here again.<br />
<br />
And I wait.<br />
<br />
I wait not for eternal
salvation for I know that has already been set in motion. I wait for a new beginning. For
freedom. For the ability to be still and not feel pain. To feel nothing would be wonderful.<br />
<br />
I am often asked what's the first thing I'll want to do when I get better. People expect me
to take a trip or run again. Honestly, I just want to sit on my couch with a child under each arm. I
want to feel them and not the burden of my body. That is it.<br />
<br />
Well almost . . . .
In my daydreams I imagine a party. One month into this nightmare Trevi said to me,
"Mommy when you and Auntie Sheri get better we should have a party with a cake that says
YAY!"<br />
<br />
I imagine this party with everyone who has prayed and helped. I have a pretty black dress
on and a glass of champagne. Trevi cuts the YAY cake. All my friends have come. Some from
very far away. Its just us girls and James because he doesn't want to miss it. There are tears
and hugs.<br />
<br />
<i>Lord, please let this happen this side of heaven!</i><br />
<br />
As a sweet little six year old she also came up with the plan of having a "Hope" party
where everyone gets together to pray for me and then eat cake. I thought she had forgotten but
James says she still talks about it all the time. But we are all too exhausted even for a "Hope"
party.
I feel like a broken record with my mom.<br />
<br />
"Do you think I'm gonna get better . . . Are we
on the right track . . . What if. . . . What if. . . . What if?"<br />
<br />
Her answers never satisfy me. She tries
her hardest. I hurt for her. And my dad. To watch your only children suffer daily must be
unbearable.
Oh what it must feel like for God to watch us suffer. I can't help but feel like a burden to
those who love me. But to Him . . . My burdens are light.<br />
<br />
"Put your hands in my wounds and then you will know who I am," the risen Jesus said to
his doubting friend. To know him is to know his suffering and for him to know our suffering.<br />
<br />
Nicholas Wolterstorf says in “Lament for a Son”, "God is love. That is why he suffers . . .
The one who does not see God's suffering does not see his love. God is suffering love . . . We're in it together, God and we, together in the history of our world. The history of our world is
the history of our suffering together . . . When God's cup of suffering is full, our world's
redemption is fulfilled."<br />
<br />
I've always embraced doubt. I've never been scared of it. I've always believed that where
there is doubt there's an opportunity for faith to grow. However if one could hear the thoughts
inside my head and the silent prayers I pray, they'd be led to think that I have completely lost my
faith.<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
<i>Where did you go, Lord?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>How can you hear my cries and not come to my rescue?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I
cannot stand this valley.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Are you with me?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Where is your still water?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>My lament is a rushing river
and I struggle to come up for air. How could this be your plan for me?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>How is this love?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I cannot
bear another second. If my children were suffering I would help them!!!</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I try and touch your
garment, to have your power heal my body, but you move every time I get close.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I try and
remember the day I was prayed for and I had gold heavenly dust on my hands. As if your son
came down from his seat with you and grabbed my hands. How could he hold me and not heal
me?!?!</i><br />
<br />
<br />
I cling to this memory hoping for comfort and I end up frustrated.
Sometimes the space between the head and the heart is a vast wilderness.<br />
<br />
In my head I
know that God is good. But my body that is riddled with pain tells me otherwise. Each day is a
battle to reconcile these two truths.<br />
<br />
"<i>Have mercy on me, Lord,</i>" I cry in desperation.<br />
<br />
He answers, "This is merciful."<br />
<br />
And a part
of me believes it.<br />
<br />
That this journey is somehow better than what could have been. If the car
wouldn't have hit the tree that crazy night in India I would have died in a ditch. Countless times
I've imagined the car going between the trees and my suffering being only for a second. No
doubt there was a spiritual battle that night. Now the battle is believing God will not waste my
suffering.<br />
<br />
I have no idea why I'm even writing this. I have avoided writing these feelings down as if
that would suddenly make them real. Perhaps part of me truly does believe that I will be well
and I don't want to forget what this valley was like. I don't want to be healthy and slowly forget to
be grateful for what truly matters. I don't want to go back to the days of being stressed out if I
couldn't fit my perfect workout in or worry what others think of my 1980s kitchen.<br />
<br />
None of that
matters anymore.<br />
<br />
Peace is what matters.<br />
<br />
And love.<br />
<br />
"Love is all there is."<br />
<br />
There's a reason why the apostle Paul said the greatest gift is love. Faith and hope are
hard in times like these. That is why I always ask my clients to borrow my hope.<br />
<br />
When this
began Susan sent a text to my friends asking them to cut a hole through the roof and lower me
into the room where Jesus is. That man in the Bible relied on the strength and faith and hope of
his friends. This is why love is most important.<br />
<br />
We rely on each other to intercede.<br />
<br />
Without love
who will I have in my life with the faith and hope to carry me to Jesus?<br />
<br />
Love never fails.<br />
<br />
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my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-84574294507462561192017-12-17T11:33:00.001-08:002017-12-17T11:33:56.611-08:00Be-wildered<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
<br />
Two Christmases ago, I knew that I was entering into a brand new season of my life. I knew full well that things would be changing profoundly and significantly. And I was ready. I welcomed the change.<br />
<br />
But I wasn't prepared for the "other" that came along with the change. <i>After</i> the change. The seemingly innocuous ripple turned into a tidal wave that swept me out to sea...foundering, treading water, searching for the shoreline.<br />
<br />
The logistics of the change in question were wanted and expected, but the after-effects were not.<br />
<br />
What I did not realize then -- sputtering and flailing in that expanse of emotion -- was that I would never go back to that familiar shore. Instead, my friend Jesus navigated me to an island to rest my weary soul, collect my bearings, find a new compass point and just hang out with Him awhile.<br />
<br />
I don't regret it -- even in the toughest moments when the loss of The Before feels the keenest. Without that personal and spiritual tsunami, I would not be the person I am today -- stronger, more myself than ever before, anchored, known and kept.<br />
<br />
But I can't deny that this has been one of the most challenging seasons of my life. And to say "season" is actually a misnomer. It's fundamentally changed me from the inside out and completely reoriented almost everything in my life.<br />
<br />
What do we do when everything we thought we could count on (friends, health, financial stability, family, faith, community) is suddenly and shockingly gone? What do we do when all that sounds doable is to crawl back into bed and huddle into a ball of grief at such a loss of great magnitude?<br />
<br />
This is where the rubber of our beliefs meets the hot asphalt of reality.<br />
<br />
This is where our true faith and belief is forged.<br />
<br />
It's in the dark loneliness of night.....the closed confines of our car when we hear a song that brings it all back....the text messages that never come or are never returned.<br />
<br />
Who.<br />
<br />
Am.<br />
<br />
I<br />
<br />
Really?<br />
<br />
--<br />
<br />
This is not the first time I've walked through exquisitely painful emotional trauma. But it's the first time I've also walked through spiritual trauma. And that makes it all the more cutting, isolating, bewildering and....<br />
<br />
Wait...<i>bewilder</i>? I know what it means, but I think I just saw something new:<br />
<div class="sb has-sn" style="background-color: white; font-family: "open sans", helvetica, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 0.64px; margin: 0px 0px 1.1875em; padding: 0px 0px 0px 35px; position: relative;">
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<ul class="vis" style="display: inline; list-style-type: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="sb-0" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="dt " style="display: inline; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
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<header class="main-header oneClick-disabled cts-disabled head-big" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: normal;"><div class="header-row header-first-row" style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 13px;">
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<span class="dt " style="color: #6aa84f; display: inline; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<span class="me" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 50px;">bewilder</span></span></h2>
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<span class="dt " style="color: #666666; display: inline; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
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<div class="pronounce" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #979797; font-size: 20px;">
<span class="pronset" style="box-sizing: border-box;">/<span class="dbox-pron" style="box-sizing: border-box;">bɪˈwɪldə</span>/</span></div>
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<span class="dt " style="display: inline; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="dbox-pg" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 20px;"><span class="oneClick-link" style="box-sizing: border-box;">verb</span> </span><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">(</span><span class="dbox-bold" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: inline; font-weight: bold;">transitive</span><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">)</span></span><br />
<div class="def-set" style="box-sizing: border-box; padding-bottom: 17px;">
<span class="dt " style="display: inline; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="def-number" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: block; float: left; padding-right: 5px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">1.</span></span></span><br />
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<span class="dt " style="display: inline; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="oneClick-link" style="box-sizing: border-box;">to</span> <span class="oneClick-link" style="box-sizing: border-box;">confuse</span> <span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available" style="box-sizing: border-box;">utterly;</span> <span class="oneClick-link" style="box-sizing: border-box;">puzzle; to perplex or confuse especially by a complexity, variety, or multitude of objects or considerations.</span></span></span></div>
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<div class="def-set" style="box-sizing: border-box; padding-bottom: 17px;">
<span class="dt " style="display: inline; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="def-number" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: block; float: left; padding-right: 5px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">2.</span></span></span><br />
<div class="def-content" style="box-sizing: border-box; padding-left: 37px;">
<span class="dt " style="display: inline; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">(</span><span class="dbox-bold" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: inline; font-weight: bold;">archaic</span><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">) <span class="oneClick-link" style="box-sizing: border-box;">to</span> <span class="oneClick-link" style="box-sizing: border-box;">cause</span> <span class="oneClick-link" style="box-sizing: border-box;">to</span> <span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available" style="box-sizing: border-box;">become</span> <span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available" style="box-sizing: border-box;">lost; lose one's bearing</span></span></span></div>
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<li style="display: inline; list-style-type: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 20px;">Word Origin and History for </span><span class="u-headword" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 20px;"><span class="js-headword" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="syllable" style="box-sizing: border-box; z-index: 2;">be</span><span class="syllable" style="box-sizing: border-box; z-index: 2;">wil</span><span class="last-syllable" style="box-sizing: border-box; z-index: 2;">der</span></span></span></li>
<li style="display: inline; list-style-type: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #666666; font-family: verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><span class="oneClick-link" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></li>
<li style="display: inline; list-style-type: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #666666; font-family: verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><span class="oneClick-link" style="box-sizing: border-box;">1680s,</span> <span class="oneClick-link" style="box-sizing: border-box;">from</span> </span><a class="dbox-xref" href="http://www.dictionary.com/browse/be-" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #307dbc; font-family: verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">be-</a><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #666666; font-family: verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"> <span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available" style="box-sizing: border-box;">"thoroughly"</span> + <span class="oneClick-link" style="box-sizing: border-box;">archaic</span> </span><span class="dbox-italic" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #666666; display: inline; font-family: verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic;"><span class="oneClick-link" style="box-sizing: border-box;">wilder</span> </span><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #666666; font-family: verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><span class="oneClick-link" style="box-sizing: border-box;">"lead</span> <span class="oneClick-link" style="box-sizing: border-box;">astray,</span> <span class="oneClick-link" style="box-sizing: border-box;">lure</span> <span class="oneClick-link" style="box-sizing: border-box;">into</span> <span class="oneClick-link" style="box-sizing: border-box;">the </span><span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available" style="box-sizing: border-box;">wilds,"</span> </span><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #666666; font-family: verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available" style="box-sizing: border-box;">probably</span> <span class="oneClick-link" style="box-sizing: border-box;">a</span> <span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available" style="box-sizing: border-box;">back-formation</span> <span class="oneClick-link" style="box-sizing: border-box;">of</span> </span><a class="dbox-xref" href="http://www.dictionary.com/browse/wilderness" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #307dbc; font-family: verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">wilderness</a><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #666666; font-family: verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">. </span></li>
</span></span></ul>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeBrjHH4VZ9Orbn9Jz6jgBAtd6BcOvtdt4P3HwbsERdCPUXrjVPjoXbju_8PAez5TejdO0ibTtpgA1Z1hUDYNHyuLaC6i4mUvdoY-7Tr522FTDYXamRv33LVbraY4ACTi19a6n1E73l5CY/s1600/EpicTrip2017+%2528582%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeBrjHH4VZ9Orbn9Jz6jgBAtd6BcOvtdt4P3HwbsERdCPUXrjVPjoXbju_8PAez5TejdO0ibTtpgA1Z1hUDYNHyuLaC6i4mUvdoY-7Tr522FTDYXamRv33LVbraY4ACTi19a6n1E73l5CY/s400/EpicTrip2017+%2528582%2529.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br />
The words "wild" and "wilderness" have been especially dear to me during this last year. I have seen God coax me into the great expanse, to breathe in the fresh air of His freedom, and to come out of the safety of the paved and climate-controlled world I've been living in.<br /><br />To be Wild and untamed and my truest self.<br />
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<br /><br />I literally lived a life of <i>wild-ing</i> this past summer as my family embarked on a month-long trip around the western and middle parts of the States in our restored vintage cabover camper, "Manzanita."<br />
<br />
We went without reservations or firm plans (which is extremely out of character for this obsessive planner.). We followed a vague itinerary and made things up as we went. We were wild in almost every sense of the word.<br />
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<br /><br />It's was immensely liberating.<br />
<br />
So maybe being <i>bewildered</i> isn't a bad thing after all. In fact, I think this may actually be the very path for me right now. Could it be that God is asking me to choose to <span style="color: #6aa84f;"><b>Be Wild-er</b></span>?<br />
<br />
I've always understood "bewilder" to mean "confused" or "befuddled," but maybe not knowing exactly what is going on or what to do is exactly the point of all of this??<br />
<br />
Could it be that giving up my need for control and understanding -- to lay that aside as unimportant to pick up the mystery of the unknown is what I've needed to do all along?<br />
<br />
I understood that this summer as we traveled. I embraced it. It was a side of myself I had never experienced before.<br />
<br />
But somehow that part of myself faded back into the shadows with fall schedules of school, activities, housework and the quotidien sameness of life.<br />
<br />
Yet there are glimmers. I recently read <i><a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Braving-Wilderness-Quest-Belonging-Courage/dp/0812995848/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1513539195&sr=8-1&keywords=braving+the+wilderness" target="_blank">Braving the Wilderness</a></i> by Brene Brown and felt transformed by her message of being willing to leave the security of the village for the vast untamed unknowing of the wilderness.<br />
<br />
A few months ago, our family spent a weekend in Yosemite with <i>Manzanita</i>.<br />
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<br />
I realized how much I missed exploring the wild places of my country. So much so that I am preparing for a hike down into the Grand Canyon this spring and a family camping trip in Arizona.<br />
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And maybe just now...in this space of writing...I am realizing that I have missed the wild places of myself.<br />
<br />
Right now, it's not practical for our family to take to the road for a long stretch, but I can still be wild living within my day to day life. And that's a quest worth pursuing.<br /><br />I think I shall.<br />
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my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-16775734631041600012017-10-25T06:00:00.000-07:002017-10-25T15:42:28.593-07:00Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I love the band, U2.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Their music has been a constant companion for three decades.
However, their album <i>Joshua Tree</i> is one of the soundtracks of my life -- moving
to another city...another country...losing friends...finding new ones...finding
love...having babies...growing up....changing...always changing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The music in this album has an innate rhythm, a measured
step as if the songs and artists themselves are walking/running/journeying
towards a destination not entirely known. As a thirteen-year-old on the brink
of becoming, I had never heard anything like it. From the ringing guitars, to
the driving bass to Bono's passionate pleadings...I was hooked.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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It sounds dramatic to say that I felt it in my soul, but I
did.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I did.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Over the years, I have also admired Bono (and the band) for
his passion for truth, justice and grace for all people. It would have been
easy to just be rock stars, collect accolades, tour the world and revel in
their money and success. Yet, they have been constantly on a quest for meaning
and purpose.<o:p></o:p></div>
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And whether thirteen or forty-three, I can identify with
that.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I found U2 when I lived in the actual desert -- actually not
too far from the actual Joshua Tree National Park. Living there provided
another connection to the desert imagery. And although I have long since left
that desert town, I think perhaps the desert has never left me.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So many of the songs from <i>Joshua Tree</i> can transport me right
back to the summer I first heard them. <i>With or Without You</i> is still one of my all-time
favorites.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, I don't know that I have ever been able to put my
finger on why <i>I Still Haven't Found I'm Looking For </i>has been an enduring anthem
for me. There is an underlying ache, a plea for understanding and meaning and
yet fervent Hope that there is indeed more than what is known.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The first time my father heard this song, we were driving
back home from L.A. I had control of the music and decided to play him one of
my favorites. His comment was, "it's such a sad statement."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think he was hearing the spiritual themes in the lyrics
and noting that nonetheless, that something looked for was not found. Through
the lens of Christianity, it can feel like perhaps what the Church offers, even
what God offers, is not enough. And I can see how that could be sad.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I will admit that a lot of me saw it from that
perspective then and for many years. However, this last year has been so
earth-shaking for me in so many ways. I feel like it has been days and months
of drilling down into the very core of me and has cracked the foundation I have
built so much of my own faith and belief upon.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The cracks and holes are catastrophic. That foundation will
no longer hold.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That's a story for another day.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But what is has meant is that Jesus and I have been laying a
new foundation. And this one is a lot more modest. It's not as self-assured or
concrete. I have undergone a vast un-learning and re-teaching.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And so now I come to this song differently.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I now understand that Faith is so much more nuanced than I
ever understood. Our faith journeys ebb and flow, meander and get stopped up in
debris and flotsam. It's the nature of Faith and it's the grace of God to
challenge what we are sure we know about Him and what it means to follow Him.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In spite of the quaking, I'm profoundly grateful.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because the truth is that all these years into this life and
on this journey of Faith, I can say that I still haven't found what I'm looking
for. And I'm pretty sure on this side of heaven, I never will.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The part of my soul that seeks completion and perfect
belonging won't be completely satisfied until I cross over.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rather than this notion being sad, I find it very
liberating. Life can be a never-ceasing quest for truth, beauty, meaning,
purpose, love, acceptance, belonging and more. I would actually argue that this
is the definition of fully embracing life -- of fully LIVING.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
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This is some of what I was mentally chewing on when I saw
the band in concert on a Saturday night last May at the Rose Bowl. For me, it
was the fulfillment of a thirty-year bucket list item. It was amazing and
everything I hoped it would be.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwQjxfQp8jWqA0mZMOGzUz8lkUUk8qRk_dJ_txuc4xsezZa2aLHK65aH9DRSxdWDDm9ulmYOxJN1_GRxDW0Md3HXpmeimUvotPemEo1EYvSapN3FEdIQbTgRXtWk3CgkLcEZOv64NTnLMR/s1600/U22.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="253" data-original-width="400" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwQjxfQp8jWqA0mZMOGzUz8lkUUk8qRk_dJ_txuc4xsezZa2aLHK65aH9DRSxdWDDm9ulmYOxJN1_GRxDW0Md3HXpmeimUvotPemEo1EYvSapN3FEdIQbTgRXtWk3CgkLcEZOv64NTnLMR/s400/U22.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Playing my favorite song....</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
When they started playing this song that May evening, I just
let everything go in that moment. It felt like a holy moment. I felt like I was
in church. I actually lifted my hands like I was in church. And I wasn't the
only one.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
A few days after the concert, I saw a clip from U2 on the Jimmy Kimmel Show
that made me cry and understand a bit more why raising my hands in an act of
surrender felt like the right thing to do. When Bono introduced this song, he
said something that struck me so deeply. (Start at 2:00 minutes in to skip the chit chat if you want.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/6ylSoAxpcKk/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/6ylSoAxpcKk?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
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<br />
"We want to play for you now a gospel song...a gospel song with a restless
spirit."<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
A gospel song. That's what it feels like. And yes, it's a gospel song with a
restless spirit. Not fully at home here on this spinning orb, but not ready to
leave. The tension in that is real. And although it can feel sad in some ways
to own the description "restless" and all that it implies, it still
feels like the most honest. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are some things that will not be satisfied in
this lifetime. But that's okay, really. It's the never-ceasing quest to know
more and understand more. There is so much value and joy in this
"restless" journey to last a lifetime.<o:p></o:p></div>
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</div>
my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-39810015818832930592017-10-24T14:11:00.000-07:002017-10-25T11:53:36.542-07:00Control : Shift<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMakQHCNftcKsrPEAi_kcCImKp0M5eBdPbBxT51H8u7BfNv6OF_u1JJh08amK2cTqBECBF7UUtoj1kiAdi2uDws1zo6XF-ZmnI4333baYulEh0BAQ-9_asZfLMJnixBdyhZ6hwIuKgRTyv/s1600/shift-control.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="1024" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMakQHCNftcKsrPEAi_kcCImKp0M5eBdPbBxT51H8u7BfNv6OF_u1JJh08amK2cTqBECBF7UUtoj1kiAdi2uDws1zo6XF-ZmnI4333baYulEh0BAQ-9_asZfLMJnixBdyhZ6hwIuKgRTyv/s400/shift-control.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br />
I use my computer keyboard a lot. I have spent many hours typing for work, as a writer, as a homeschool mom and more. (Shout out to my high school Typing teacher for insisting we learn how to type by touch and all those drills.) With all the multiple hours of typing, I have figured out that ergonomic keyboards are my friend, and so is the control shift key.<br />
<br />
If you don't know about the magical CONTROL key, it holds unimaginable potential in helping you access computer program shortcuts and commands. If you spend any amount of time on a keyboard, then you definitely want to save <a href="http://www.raizlabs.com/graiz/2005/06/07/keyboard-shortcut-dictionary-and-glossary-ctrl-shift-alt-f1/" target="_blank">this site</a> about keyboard shortcuts for future reference.<br />
<br />
As much as I enjoy a good keyboard shortcut, the truth is that there are often no shortcuts in my personal life and development.<br />
<br />
There have been many times over the past two years that I have yearned for an easy way out of the turmoil, trouble and struggle that I have walked through. It's no exaggeration for me to say that this period of my life has been the most devastating and challenging times that has shaken so many things I've known and believed in to the very core.<br />
<br />
And I've written and blogged about none of it. As I scroll through my poor and neglected blog, I realize that I have not written much of anything of substance in these last two years. My last blog post written last February was a "puff piece" to satisfy the agreements of getting some free swag. I churned that one out by sheer grit.<br />
<br />
It's curious that when I am going through a time of the intense self-reflection and internal struggle, I find that I am too paralyzed to write. Rather than finding catharsis in pouring out my thoughts on the page, I find that I want to hold everything in and everything close.<br />
<br />
Maybe it's because this Control:Shift of my life has been too painful. Too raw. Too close. Too confusing. Too...everything. I find that I don't want to merely vomit up random thoughts and fleeting emotions. The processing that I have been doing and am still doing makes it difficult to sit in front of a keyboard.<br />
<br />
But I miss it.<br />
<br />
I am still not sure what I have to say if I don't say the things that I am wrestling with the most. Because honestly, what else is there to talk about? And while I know that is not entirely true, I think it's more that everything else feels trivial and trite.<br />
<br />
But staying silent doesn't feel right. I miss the process of writing. I miss the therapy and artistry of it all. And I'm missing out on memorializing some of the daily things that are happening (baby goats born!) and huge undertakings (going on the road for a month this past summer).<br />
<br />
So, I'm recommitting to writing more often. I'm not sure what I'll have to say or how far I can go in sharing. But it's time.<br />
<br />
I'm pressing Control:Shift and starting afresh.<br />
<br />
Tomorrow I will share a post that I almost finished last May about attending a U2 concert. Somehow even finding the resolve to finish that one off escaped me then. But thankfully, almost five months later, I was able to do it.<br />
<br />
Baby steps, right?</div>
my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-46389514483818148262017-02-25T13:08:00.000-08:002017-10-25T11:43:30.311-07:00Living well is....well, a lot of fun!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn_w1wet_u7a5ukVRuUZpPuZ4LD2LbRwmZRG2Wuu7-oW1MsdGDdJytWEVMmac08mWbMOytsUrK8vEVtYMrhN0PKo5BaMxw-wzLmxrV3QVQrPe121u_FvtRQAwEx1wUdKjk61gfoDQCZA2x/s1600/Healthy+Party+15.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn_w1wet_u7a5ukVRuUZpPuZ4LD2LbRwmZRG2Wuu7-oW1MsdGDdJytWEVMmac08mWbMOytsUrK8vEVtYMrhN0PKo5BaMxw-wzLmxrV3QVQrPe121u_FvtRQAwEx1wUdKjk61gfoDQCZA2x/s320/Healthy+Party+15.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
This photo represents some of my favorite things: a table, coffee, good company, and sharing tips and information.<br />
<br />
Although this happens fairly frequently in my home, yesterday was the first time I have had an "official" gathering to discuss wellness. And it happened courtesty of wellness cheerleader, Katie Wells, of the popular blogsite, <a href="https://wellnessmama.com/about/" target="_blank">Wellness Mama</a>.<br />
<br />
Like Katie, I have been on my own journey to wellness for my family for many years, and have been following her blogsite for the last several.<br />
<br />
We have been making gradual changes to limit our usage of chemicals in our cleaning and personal products, our use of plastics and make changes to more natural eating habits.<br />
<br />
Moving out of the city to a few acres has allowed us to eat fresh eggs from our own chickens, consume goat milk from our own goats and harvest our own fruit from our orchard.<br />
<br />
However, we are not where I would like to be in terms of our eating practices so when I saw that Katie was publishing a cookbook promoting wellness in family-friendly, easy to put together recipes, I was instantly sold. When I read that they would be choosing several "wellness mama cookbook ambassadors" to help spread the word of the cookbook, I immediately applied.<br />
<br />
A month later, a box showed up on my porch that contained a smorgasbord of <a href="http://nutiva.com/" target="_blank">Nutiva brand</a> goodies. To be honest, there were things I had never heard of before but the <a href="https://store.nutiva.com/hazelnut-spreads/" target="_blank">two hazelnut spreads</a> were an instant attraction to my four children.<br />
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<br />
Shortly after, I received an email letting me know that I had been chosen to be one of the ambassadors and to be on the lookout for my <a href="https://wellnessmama.com/ebooks/" target="_blank">Wellness Mama cookbooks</a> -- one for me to keep and one to give away at the gathering I would be hosting.<br />
<br />
After making an event date adjustment due to illnesses and other scheduling conflicts that could not be avoided, the majority of the invitees chose a Friday afternoon for the gathering date. Since we are a homeschooling family, it made the most sense to have it on a day that works for other homeschooling families, so that while we moms hung out, our kids could galavant around our farmhouse and acreage.<br />
<br />
In preparation, I chose a couple of the recipes in the cookbook to make and sample at the gathering, as well as suggesting that the intendees bring any wellness products to put together DIY personal beauty product.<br />
<br />
Before my fellow moms arrived, I got the <i>Ham & Egg Breakfast Cups</i> (courtesy of a our hens' farm fresh eggs) prepped and into the oven (pg. 65).<br />
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<br />
(By the way, the feta and green onions on these takes them to the next level!)<br />
<br />
Sarah was the first to arrive and as always, she was game to jump in and chop. She took over making the salsa and when Maribel arrived, they went to work on making the <i>Bacon-Guacamole Bites on Sweet Potato Chips</i> on page 223.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisGQIm48vgrbM-jmzKrhPDz_InNuQ32vx8lfpBvkAn3UNyFVijn6F52E4x_lTIMkDRlFvD7FjzmSY159RzmAcbavn8OhBoI4yVsivtR3Rs9F1ncCyC08ZPTqeicSSxEc6ty0iAeP_s4tfG/s1600/Healthy+Party+9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisGQIm48vgrbM-jmzKrhPDz_InNuQ32vx8lfpBvkAn3UNyFVijn6F52E4x_lTIMkDRlFvD7FjzmSY159RzmAcbavn8OhBoI4yVsivtR3Rs9F1ncCyC08ZPTqeicSSxEc6ty0iAeP_s4tfG/s320/Healthy+Party+9.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<br />
Erin arrived soon after and was game to jump in and start the <i>Chocolate-Cherry Bark</i> (pg. 264). However, we did need to make a substitution on this one. Since I could not get my hands on dried cherries, we ended up using dried apricots. We all proclaimed them delicious, nonetheless.<br />
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<br />
Once we got everything finished, we put it on the table and I introduced them to the cookbook and Nutiva products. And, I got to tell them that they all would receive a three-month trial membership and 15% off their first order from <a href="https://thrivemarket.com/?utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpcbrand&utm_campaign=Desktop_-_Branded&utm_content=1168780895725053&utm_term=thrive%20market&device=c" target="_blank">Thrive Market</a> -- which I am especially excited about living a solid 40 minutes away from the nearest health food store.<br />
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<br />
After we looked at and sampled the Nutiva products (that dark hazelnut spread....mmmmm), we took our plates into the dining area so that we could eat and talk about other ways we are trying to implement wellness into our family life.<br />
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But first, we did a quick drawing to see who would take home the Wellness Mama cookbook, and it was......Maribel! She was so excited.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtxG-9M1b_Nnlp0wQrLNBy1X2F33tdVG58xg6lxdYv_chdsHkCPYx49uoe0Y4DX1ysj1T3FFUiCWa1nsrzh8EcMqO4jWCY_mc-4wg63oOOs4efni0SJmEfW6ubX8I7pUV4ReQkBHSE_9N8/s1600/Healthy+Party+6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtxG-9M1b_Nnlp0wQrLNBy1X2F33tdVG58xg6lxdYv_chdsHkCPYx49uoe0Y4DX1ysj1T3FFUiCWa1nsrzh8EcMqO4jWCY_mc-4wg63oOOs4efni0SJmEfW6ubX8I7pUV4ReQkBHSE_9N8/s320/Healthy+Party+6.jpg" width="238" /></a></div>
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As we ate (and Maribel looked through her new cookbook), I showed the gals some of the products that I have started making, including: hand soap, body wash, foaming face wash, eye makeup remover, walnut shell face scrub, sugar body scrub, whipped body butter, foaming bath salts, bath bombs, and goat milk face soap.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMvbrNrE8v2f03-F8u80fQFTGYbK3JzqFILhMc6LTQHss573YVGOwTeRweaL2IX3WEzPsvOMfXdsiudkpPxgGk4os1AyforqUdgriTavJi6zfG-PA_M9Y6-jJNBOVoslfbttcPM5qzr7Lz/s1600/Healthy+Party+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMvbrNrE8v2f03-F8u80fQFTGYbK3JzqFILhMc6LTQHss573YVGOwTeRweaL2IX3WEzPsvOMfXdsiudkpPxgGk4os1AyforqUdgriTavJi6zfG-PA_M9Y6-jJNBOVoslfbttcPM5qzr7Lz/s320/Healthy+Party+1.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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And some of the products that I have switched over to using for making them (castile soap, raw honey, various oils, clays and powders):<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0BWDNpjkQbjBjw0WnGHe6bOBJ7IlIPBgtEg9r_D0HTHdugCT2BPGDnQrSQ9qioOgWVp3Aw9691iYIljLJCH_YiEI-V5UkM2DYv2zH7u1LEVC4t0N8XYjtNFx-N2E_AjZi5oFBD12Kft4w/s1600/Healthy+Party+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0BWDNpjkQbjBjw0WnGHe6bOBJ7IlIPBgtEg9r_D0HTHdugCT2BPGDnQrSQ9qioOgWVp3Aw9691iYIljLJCH_YiEI-V5UkM2DYv2zH7u1LEVC4t0N8XYjtNFx-N2E_AjZi5oFBD12Kft4w/s320/Healthy+Party+4.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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We decided since I had all of the items handy, that we would make a <a href="https://wellnessmama.com/130118/lip-scrub-recipe/" target="_blank">sugar cookie lip scrub</a> found from Wellness Mama's blogsite, a coffee sugar lip scrub, and lip balm. (Also the fact that I had woken up that morning with dry chapped lips might have had something to do with it as well.)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC0qMGSsy_62FIU2PFD8qIQ9wkjUHpP9ZtXoPfyYRPIninb1R_5LLAIrNERb322nSce_3vBushyq0Ww_rCIE_gfDtGRsoph563kTxRligIuwHJV7QzzdnclfFASyu252SgjeUjnlsu4Egg/s1600/Healthy+Party+8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC0qMGSsy_62FIU2PFD8qIQ9wkjUHpP9ZtXoPfyYRPIninb1R_5LLAIrNERb322nSce_3vBushyq0Ww_rCIE_gfDtGRsoph563kTxRligIuwHJV7QzzdnclfFASyu252SgjeUjnlsu4Egg/s320/Healthy+Party+8.jpg" width="240" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">We used the coconut oil from the Nutiva goodie box</span></i></td></tr>
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And then the fabulous Mary shared about how a few weeks prior, she had come over and we had blended up some essential oil blends for her and her family, as well as some foaming face wash for her and a <a href="https://wellnessmama.com/139528/diy-charcoal-face-mask/" target="_blank">Bentonite Clay Mask</a> off the Wellness Mama blogsite that we both tried and loved.<br />
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We had been discussing skincare and make-up solutions for rosacea (since we both are dealing with that skin issue) for awhile. I tend to gravitate towards liquid foundation, whereas Mary is more of a minimalist in terms of makeup. She was looking to replace her mineral powder with someone more natural. I showed her a blog post from Katie's site that I had seen showing how to create your own <a href="https://wellnessmama.com/4948/natural-makeup-recipes/" target="_blank">DIY mineral powder.</a><br />
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She went home and promptly ordered all of the ingredients and very kindly brought it all to our event. She helped us to mix up our own personalized powders for our skin tones and needs.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjizvRzstagrCMV3HHzb82yIKjemaqu0hZ5ZMEgwK1axIdvVFM3bSsg-71xNkNgBTYZVSFxSXNKpU4h-ruv2NhK40vU86BMfkUL4p4rjHAdtmCmevdztfMfWPtKuLTR7-oQ5z7T7JvX-LAD/s1600/Healthy+Party+7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjizvRzstagrCMV3HHzb82yIKjemaqu0hZ5ZMEgwK1axIdvVFM3bSsg-71xNkNgBTYZVSFxSXNKpU4h-ruv2NhK40vU86BMfkUL4p4rjHAdtmCmevdztfMfWPtKuLTR7-oQ5z7T7JvX-LAD/s320/Healthy+Party+7.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Mary kindly measured ingredients for my mineral powder while I refilled coffee cup and took photos</span></i></td></tr>
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Of course we had to put it on immediately and all agreed that the natural glow and diffusion it gave us was amazing and felt great on our skin.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJyjQq6ywljsQJKD7hjoeNXAUY0xhHGaJDNpGOhN_uidgHB-2A0qlszii6cYD78XXDyKqBNj9KflL-YDPwn3WwbnNwiUtF_rZv6lvc6JEN02LdxF8SoQaJN9MtP7GJSVZT8qNu9nLuOFv4/s1600/Healthy+Party+12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJyjQq6ywljsQJKD7hjoeNXAUY0xhHGaJDNpGOhN_uidgHB-2A0qlszii6cYD78XXDyKqBNj9KflL-YDPwn3WwbnNwiUtF_rZv6lvc6JEN02LdxF8SoQaJN9MtP7GJSVZT8qNu9nLuOFv4/s320/Healthy+Party+12.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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All too soon, we realized that almost five hours had gone by and that dinners needed to be made and husbands would soon be coming home. Sure enough, my husband arrived shortly after everyone left and polished off the Bacon-Guacamole Bites, declaring it the best thing ever.<br />
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One thing I heard echoed from my fellow mama friends was how tasty and simple the food we prepared was and how changing your entire lifestyle can be so intimidating that you can end up being paralyzed into changing nothing. But when you take a step here and another step over there, it is altogether a different story to bring change and wellness to your family life.<br />
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As we hugged each other and loaded up our bounty from our gathering we decided that we should keep this wellness thing going and get together soon to make more food together and personal products.<br />
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Who else wants to join us?<br />
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my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-40644102392602456972016-06-26T09:21:00.000-07:002017-10-25T11:44:44.505-07:00The Myth of the Generational Curse<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ4kc1u9Lh2aFpXISypedYGaHrlzSaef8jpElrKBZi3VFnPbo8z4OmWnCwolbBWUgYM4_-phDrVg2oGPiILdAsMUupjXVHgvqZ4KkDOOHqXGeqmxxK-yFBMYR2YOmfk-BZUEIiqQ60QfMA/s1600/Gods-blessings.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ4kc1u9Lh2aFpXISypedYGaHrlzSaef8jpElrKBZi3VFnPbo8z4OmWnCwolbBWUgYM4_-phDrVg2oGPiILdAsMUupjXVHgvqZ4KkDOOHqXGeqmxxK-yFBMYR2YOmfk-BZUEIiqQ60QfMA/s320/Gods-blessings.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I get so excited these days when I see a blog post or article that echoes the very thing that I have been working through in my mind and heart.<br />
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One of the latest things I have been chewing on is the concept of "generational curses" and whether or not they pertain to us today.<br />
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I have grown up in the church hearing about generational curses now and then. I have heard several people talk about how their family has suffered under it, and more recently, was part of a prayer team where one member went through several generations of the prayer receipient and prayed off curses from each one.<br />
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It left me a bit perplexed because the journey I have been walking this past year has opened my eyes to some pretty radical and amazing realities.<br />
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Because of what Jesus did on the cross, we do not live under a curse.<br />
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But we can choose to <i><b>live</b></i> cursed.<br />
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Before we unpack that, let's talk about the verses in the Old Testament that people refer to when they speak of generational curses.<br />
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Jonathan Welton recently posted <a href="https://weltonacademy.com/blogs/jonathanwelton/the-generational-curse-myth" target="_blank">a blog about this topic</a> (which I highly recommend that you read...go ahead...read it...I'll wait right here.)<br />
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Good stuff, right?<br />
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In his post, he says this:<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"The Bible mentions these so-called 'generational curses' in several places (Exodus 20:5; 34:7; Numbers 14:18; Deuteronomy 5:9). God warns that He is 'a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me.' "</i></blockquote>
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The concept of cursing someone because of something their ancestor did hundreds of years before has always felt a bit harsh to me. It's the same reaction that I have now thinking about how unfair it would be for me to be cursed with something that my great-grandfather did in the 1800's.<br />
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However, the Israelites were living under a different set of rules and circumstances. I hope we can all agree that curses were not even in existence in the Garden of Eden. The original sin of Adam and Eve created a new operating system where sins had to be atoned for before you could be forgiven (un-cursed so to speak). It all got very complicated and bloody with all those animal sacrifices.<br />
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Fast-forward to the wilderness when God laid down the law in the form of the Ten Commandments for the Israelites. At this point, they had been brought out of slavery in Egypt in a miraculous way. Every physical need had been provided for over that three months. God was leading them to their own place of rest and habitation.<br />
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There had been some grumbling along the way, but so far, the Israelites were re-learning what it meant to be free people. But God in His infinite fatherly wisdom knew that their human hearts still had a lot of Egypt in there and that the most loving thing a father can do is give healthy boundaries.<br />
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So, he gave them some. Only ten commandments, which is remarkable when you think about it. And here is what he had to say about the generational curse:<br />
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Exodus 20:1-6 (HCSB translation):<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the place of slavery. Do not have other gods besides Me. Do not make an idol for yourself, whether in the shape of anything in the heavens above or on the earth below or in the waters under the earth.</i> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>You must not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the fathers' sin to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing faithful love to a thousand generations of those who love Me and keep My commands."</i></blockquote>
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My Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB) commentary talks about how covenant documents worked in that time period. God is self-identifying as the orginator of this covenant. This is not a rule set created by man to appease a god. This is God, Himself, as creator and enforcer. There are no slave masters to answer to and no holy men to prove piety.<br />
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And I'd also like to point on the last part of the above scripture, which is what I believe is ultimately God's heart for His children -- to show "<i>faithful love to a thousand generations of those love Me and keep My commands</i>."<br />
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I'm not great at math, but even I know that 1,000 is way more than four.<br />
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To my mind, this is the ultimate sign of God's respect and love for His creation and His deep desire to have a relationship with humanity -- not just drones. He also demonstrated this love by never giving the Israelites a form to replicate to make idols that could potentially usurp the worship due Him. <br />
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They were truly a people with a God like no other people group. And because of this, the first two commandments talk about the importance of recognizing their unique position. And then out of this comes the consequence of what will happen if they should choose to create or worship another god.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"punishing the children for the fathers' sin to the third and fourth generations of those who <u>hate Me</u>..."</i></blockquote>
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"Hate me" is such a strong and interesting word choice here. "Hate" is a word that has all sorts of different connotations in today's world, but that's another blog post. Some suggested synonyms of this Hebrew word <span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: "ezra sil" , "sbl hebrew" , "cardo" , "cambria" , "palatino linotype" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 19px; line-height: 26px;">שָׂנֵא </span>(pronounced Saw-nay) are also, <i>detest, enmity</i>, and<i> turned against</i>.<br />
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The word <i>enmity</i> is used to describe what would forever be between the serpent and the woman as a result of the fall in Genesis 3:15.<br />
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This is a word that describes not only a turning away from someone, but a profound, seething dislike or loathing. So this isn't just a simple forgetting to put God in the place He deserves, but a pointed and intentional turning from Him.<br />
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I think we could also point out that the punctuation in this passage matters. It clearly says, "fathers' sin," which refers to the specific sin of the patriarchs of Israel choosing to turn to other gods and lead their families down that path.<br />
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Now bear with me as we go on an apostrophe journey here. Note that it does not say, <i>fathers' sins</i> (which would be all the sins of all of the patriarchs) or even <i>father's sins</i> (your own dad's many sins) and lastly, <i>father's sin</i> (your own dad's specific sin of worshipping another god).<br />
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Rather, I believe in this context it is refering to an entire people group following the example of their patriarchs and intentionally walking into idolatry.<br />
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So I think that we can glean that this verse is not only talking about about a <u>specific group</u> of people (a generation of men who are entrusted with leading their families), it is also talking about a <u>specific sin</u> (idolatry).<br />
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I don't pretend to be a Bible scholar and I admit that my study skills are not up to par of many professionals out there. I am sure that there are other interpretations and others who think this is a model of how God punished back then. Brutal and lasting.<br />
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Even if that were true, the Good News is that Jesus came to abolish that system and that old covenant. We can see this in Hebrews 8:6-13, which directly quotes Jeremiah 31, and which my Bible entitles as "A Superior Covenant."<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"For God said, Be careful that you make everything according to the pattern that was shown to you on the mountain. But Jesus has now obtained a superior ministry, and to that degree He is the mediator of a better covenant, which has been legally enacted on better promises.</span></span> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For if that first covenant had been faultless, there would have been no occasion for a second one. But finding fault with His people, He says [quoting out of Jeremiah 31]:</span></span> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>‘Look, the days are coming, says the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah—not like the covenant that I made with their ancestors on the day I took them by their hands to lead them out of the land of Egypt. I disregarded them, says the Lord, because they did not continue in My covenant. </i></span></span></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-style: italic;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the Lord: I will put My laws into their minds and write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be My people. And each person will not teach his fellow citizen, and each his brother, saying, “Know the Lord,” because they will all know Me, from the least to the greatest of them. For I will be merciful to their wrongdoing, and I will never again remember their sins.' </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-style: italic;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span></span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-style: italic;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span><span id="docs-internal-guid-27c82562-8ada-f5fb-6d3f-ad2c5d8451cc"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">By saying a new covenant, He has declared that the first is old. And what is old and aging is about to disappear."</span></span></span></blockquote>
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<br />
Those coming days Jeremiah spoke of happened when Jesus answered the old covenant with His blood and made it null and void.<br />
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Therefore, that old covenant with its blood rituals, atonement, and heavy burden of impossible laws to keep straight and to keep was done away with and a new covenant took its place.<br />
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And in my opinion, that includes this generational curse. No longer would God punish future generations for their father or fathers' turning away from the covenant to worship other idols. Each generation gets to choose whom he or she will serve and I believe each generation gets to bear the results of that choice. I also believe that God is big enough to make himself known to each generation whether our parents pointed us to Him or not. He loves us that much.<br />
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There are others (Jonathan Welton for one) who do a great job of sorting through generational issues or sins and I do believe that we often see a similar root issue or addiction that may run down (or back up) a family line. However, are we as believers cursed to live that lifestyle or accept that mantle of brokenness?<br />
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Absolutely not.<br />
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<i>"Therefore if the Son sets you free, you really will be free." (John 8:36)</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Jesus has set us free. And His coming and death broke the old covenant that would leave us cursed because of another generations' mistake.<br />
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And so we are back to my original statement:<br />
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<i>Because of what Jesus did on the cross, we do not live under a curse. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>But we can choose to <b>live</b> cursed.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
We can be totally free, but live a life that is caged and bound. We can also be free from generational curses, yet live as though we are cursed.<br />
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The choice is mine. And the choice is yours.<br />
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How will you choose to live?<br />
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<br />
<i>--</i><br />
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<i>**For more reading on the subject, this is as interesting <a href="http://letusreason.org/Wf47.htm" target="_blank">blog post</a> with lots of scripture to back it up. I don't really love the naming of names of people they disagree with theologically. But if you can look past that, I feel like it's pretty spiritually sound. But judge for yourself. </i></div>
my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-29569728938877073062016-05-08T08:09:00.004-07:002016-05-08T08:51:11.255-07:00A Really Real Mother's Day<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo8ArrRi6atPhsrhT3CuHKd0wG3JWfj4Tqa0yIb3KE-twpKDskTxK7TAhqFyDpEL9uj3cxPhLMwuP8cSoyQoIejyL5OWxjADTHm-USpapq84S2EkH8Lw3MxN45-TITNmijobJRITNet7vN/s1600/coffee.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo8ArrRi6atPhsrhT3CuHKd0wG3JWfj4Tqa0yIb3KE-twpKDskTxK7TAhqFyDpEL9uj3cxPhLMwuP8cSoyQoIejyL5OWxjADTHm-USpapq84S2EkH8Lw3MxN45-TITNmijobJRITNet7vN/s320/coffee.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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It's 7 a.m. on Mother's Day and I'm already done.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
I'm exhausted.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
I had my Mother's Day adventure in the wee hours of last night and I'm good.
No, really.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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This is how it went down.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
Last night we foolishly stayed up until midnight to finish a show we're
watching on Netflix. And as I prepared for sleep, I set my alarm for 2 a.m. so
I could give medication to two puppies that have been sick. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
I've done it the last two nights and apparently my body and brain has forgotten
how awful it is to get up in the middle of the night.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
Just after I fell back asleep, our youngest came staggering in and announced he
was going to throw up. And he did. All through the rest of the night
(thankfully into the toilet...Mother's Day miracle!)<o:p></o:p></div>
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During one of the moments in between episodes as we were trying to find some
sleep, someone came honking up our driveway at 6:30 a.m. until my hubs went
outside. </div>
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<br /></div>
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The perpetrator wanted to know about the ladders next door. At our
neighbor's property. In Spanish. At 6:30. Honking. Up. The. Driveway.<o:p></o:p></div>
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More vomit. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Insistent cat with butt in my face wanting to be fed. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Puppies need more medicine. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Repeat.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
Coffee.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It's Mother's Day and I think this pretty much sums up the
craziness of this manufactured holiday. Because every day is mother's day,
let's just be honest about that.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Take a bow today, fellow moms. I know you greatly deserve it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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And while it's nice (wonderful in fact) to be celebrated with breakfast (soggy
cereal) in bed, tissue paper cards and heart-felt kisses, I can guarantee that
most of us moms want only two things.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Sleep....and more sleep.</div>
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I'll be taking mine straight up, no twist...around 2 p.m.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-8187367563835931342016-04-30T23:53:00.003-07:002017-10-25T11:45:16.409-07:00DIY Hand Soap - Chemical-free & Amazing<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
<br />
In the quest to de-chemicalize our house, I have turned to the power of the internet to get some tips and recipes for making my own hand soap, body wash and other cleaning products.<br />
<br />
It's amazing what you can find out there in Pinterest-land and beyond.<br />
<br />
After I used up the last bit of the Softsoap brand I purchased (yes I'm <strike>cheap</strike> frugal enough to finish up what I already have), I decided to try out a DIY recipe using castile soap since I had a huge bottle of Dr. Bronner's peppermint already on hand.<br />
<br />
While it worked well and smelled fantastic, it was thinner than I was used to and so I decided to tweak it a bit to get more of that thickness I'm used to in my soaps.<br />
<br />
I added in a trick I learned from another pinner about using raw, unfiltered honey to thicken up castile soap for <a href="http://www.diynatural.com/homemade-body-wash/" target="_blank">body wash</a>. I made this recipe for my husband for Christmas. He is a huge peppermint scented Dr. Bronner's soap fan, so I used the liquid castile soap and some peppermint and thieves essential oils to make it awesome.<br />
<br />
I grabbed one of my jam jars, purchased a <a href="http://www.target.com/p/ball-transform-mason-soap-pump-insert-1ct/-/A-16732160" target="_blank">mason jar soap dispenser</a> from Target, and got to work. Here is what I came up with:<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>1 cup water (distilled or regular if you go through it as fast as we do)</li>
<li>1 oz of castile soap (or 6 tsp)</li>
<li>1/3 cup of raw unfiltered honey</li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />
Add the water to your jar, pour in the castile soap and then soften the honey in the microwave for about 20-25 seconds. Stir into jar. Put on the dispenser. Go.<br />
<br />
It's that easy. And that affordable. Again, you can do it without the honey, but it not only thickens it up a bit, but it leaves my hands super soft.<br />
<br />
There are a ton of different ways to use <a href="https://www.drbronner.com/DBMS/category/LIQUIDSOAP.html" target="_blank">Dr. Bronner's castile soap</a> and there are so many different scents to choose from. If not using peppermint, which I do because of the hubs and because my Costco sells it for $10, I usually go for the baby/unscented version so I can use my essential oils to scent it the way I want.<br />
<br />
Dr. Bronner's daughter has a <a href="http://www.lisabronner.com/gift-idea-2-for-the-green-cleaning-newbie/" target="_blank">blog</a> where she shared how she uses the various products around her house. There are also printable "cheat sheets" you can use that give dilution amounts and methods for using.<br />
<br />
I've also fell in love with <a href="https://www.drbronner.com/DBMS/category/SALSUDSCLEANER.html" target="_blank">Dr. Bronner's Sal Suds</a>, which is a step beyond castile soap for heavier duty cleaning. You can use it in the dishwasher, sink, washing machine and so much more. Since it's quite a bit more on <a href="http://smile.amazon.com/Dr-Bronners-Organic-Liquid-Cleaner/dp/B00016QTYO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1462085075&sr=8-1&keywords=sal+suds" target="_blank">Amazon</a>, I would recommend buying it from the <a href="https://www.drbronner.com/" target="_blank">Dr. Bronner's site</a> and spending the $35 required for free shipping.<br />
<br />
For you Pine Sol lovers, you can feel good about putting down that chemical-laden bottle and using this. It smells of the most amazing pine forest -- the real kind! I feel like I'm walking in the woods every time I use it -- which is helpful with the drudgery of doing dishes.<br />
<br />
All in all, I have been pleasantly surprised with the ease that I have been able to transition to more natural cleaning and beauty products. As I run out of each product, I have been able to find a DIY natural replacement. When I do it this way, it's a lot less work than trying to replace an entire cabinet full of stuff.<br />
<br />
Not only has this emptied out my cabinets of cleaning products with chemicals, but it has joined my trusty arsenal of <a href="http://launagrunau.norwex.biz/" target="_blank">Norwex products</a>. If you don't know about Norwex, you are missing out! These revolutionary cleaning products are non-toxic and mostly work with water to clean your entire house and more. Their microfiber clothes work like voodoo magic to clean the grossest messes completely, including chicken juice (you have to see their bacteria test) and even hard to pick up items like coffee grounds. I highly recommend adding them in to your arsenal. Even better, if you have littles in your home, they can use all the products without worry of them being exposed to harmful ingredients. My good friend, Launa, can sort you out and answer all of your questions.<br />
<br />
So, basically, if you are thinking about making some changes in your household to natural products, you won't be sorry! Your skin, countertops, clothes, and dishes will thank you!<br />
<br />
--<br />
<br />
*I'm still learning, but if you'd like to follow my "<a href="https://www.pinterest.com/mosaicmomma/going-natural/" target="_blank">Going Natural</a>" board in Pinterest, come on over!</div>
my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-41208181098838291902016-04-14T14:01:00.001-07:002016-05-02T12:02:43.771-07:00Living the (non)Enriched Life<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
One of the many things I enjoy about having a blog as a writing outlet is that I can write about whatever I want. Two posts ago, I wrote about politics and my opinion on the <a href="http://www.mosaicmomma.net/2016/04/when-brashness-trumps-integrity.html" target="_blank">current situation</a> in our country.<br />
<br />
The <a href="http://www.mosaicmomma.net/2016/04/god-is-calling-you-to-be-brazen.html" target="_blank">post after that</a> (the most recent) was something I felt like God revealed to me in my daily Bible reading time.<br />
<br />
This post is going to be about nutrition.<br />
<br />
I know...random, right?<br />
<br />
However, this is an accurate representation of my life and the many parts that are moving at any given time. And I know that each of us is more than one thing....more than one focus.<br />
<br />
So, today, here is what I am focusing on.<br />
<br />
Health.<br />
<br />
And not being super angry at our government for "protecting us" into terrible health issues because of their limited scope of understanding and sweeping legislation that if you are not paying attention, you may miss.<br />
<br />
Which is what I did in 1998.<br />
<br />
Granted, I was living overseas for part of that year. I was newly-engaged and planning a wedding and a move to another state in early 1999. So government mandates about food were not really on my radar. And to be honest, I don't know how much publicity it received back then. But this basically what happened:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><br />"In 1947 scientists at Lederle Labs synthesized a compound called folic acid that had never previously existed on our planet. No human prior to 1947 had ever ingested this artificial substance. Exactly 51 years later in 1998, the Food and Drug Agency (FDA) manditorily legislated that the entire U.S. population would now be required to ingest this substance. </i> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>As a democratic nation, we were never allowed to vote upon this decision. It simply happened overnight. One day folic acid was not part of our regular food supply, and the next day every man, woman and child in the U.S. (except celiac patients and Paleo dieters) were forced to ingest folic acid whether they wanted to or not." (Loren Cordain, "<a href="http://thepaleodiet.com/flour-fortification-folic-acid-good-idea-bad-idea/#.Vw_eBvkrKUk" target="_blank">Flour Fortification with Folic Acid: Good Idea or Bad Idea?</a>")</i></blockquote>
<br />
Here are some of the fall-out from that legislation:<br />
<br />
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">ADDITION OF FOLIC ACID</span></h3>
<br />
Apparently it's taken me almost twenty years to find out this information. And it makes me really mad and sad, all at the same time.<br />
<br />
Because my father was born in 1949. So basically, he has had folic acid in his life and body since before birth. He has some health issues that may or not be fully attributed to this folic acid folly. But I am convinced that this is likely one of the root issues. We cannot mess with our food supply, environment and bodies and not have issues.<br />
<br />
His likely exposure and the continuation for me and my children...well, that's when you start talking about effecting <a href="http://www.dictionary.com/browse/epigenetics" target="_blank">epigenetics</a>.<br />
<br />
But back to me. In 1998, I was not a mother. Pregnancy and children were still four years down the road for me. I had more than a year's worth of taking folic acid supplements in my future to "help fetal development."<br />
<br />
Fast-forward all of these years to links to autism, sensory-processing disorders, certain types of cancers and who know what else.<br />
<br />
Having SPD children in our home, if I would have known this information and understand the effects of this legislation (and I suppose that it could argued that the fallout was unknown at this point), I would never have taken those supplements and I would have completely changed the way that I shopped and prepared our food.<br />
<br />
I know I can't spend time beating myself up on the "what if's." That's a pointless road. But I can and WILL make changes armed with this knowledge for our future.<br />
<br />
But this legislation makes my blood boil because research is starting to show that despite the reasoning behind the government's decision to compel companies to use enriched flour, it is having unforeseen and disastrous consequences. Dr. Cordain continues:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><br />"At the time, this national mandate seemed like a pretty good idea because convincing data existed to show that low <b><u>folate</u></b> status caused neural tube birth defects such as spina bifida. (I have bolded and underlined the word <b>folate</b> to emphasis that it is an entirely different compound that folic acid.)</i> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>In our bodies, folate and folic acid are metabolized in different ways. Folate is a natural vitamin found in leafy green vegetables and organ meats. Folic acid is not a vitamin, but rather a man-made substance that can be converted to folate in the liver. The problem is that folic acid is not rapidly converted to folate, thereby causing as excess pool of both folic acid and folate to build up in our bodies. And herein lies the problem."</i></blockquote>
<br />
Yes, and the problematic fact that the American diet was so poor in green, leafy vegetables packed with folate that folic acid had to become a thing in the first place.<br />
<br />
Green smoothie, anyone?<br />
<br />
<h3>
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">TOO LITTLE AND TOO MUCH NUTRIENTS</span></h3>
<br />
And it's not just folic acid. In the quest to get white flour, the entire "<a href="http://www.popsugar.com/fitness/Enriched-Flour-Really-Bad-34031191" target="_blank">enriching process</a>" strips the original wheat berry of the bran and the germ -- which holds the majority of the nutrients. Then they bleach it because the hue that is leftover is not pleasing to the eye. (And don't even get me started on the evils of bleached flour....I'll let you read up on <a href="http://organics.org/bleached-vs-unbleached-flour/" target="_blank">that one</a>.) And then they add back in a bunch of manufactured "nutrients" and call it good.<br />
<br />
But it's not good. As you can see in the table below, when we mess with nature, we can't add back in what we've taken out. At least not in the correct amounts. There is either too much or too little.<br />
<br />
(*Note that the Folate mentioned is "Folic Acid in the first two columns and "Folate" in the last one.)<br />
<br />
<div align="center">
<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="MsoNormalTable" style="background: white; border-collapse: collapse; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; mso-yfti-tbllook: 1184; width: 424px;">
<tbody>
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<td style="background: #2F3847; border: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt;"></td>
<td style="background: #2F3847; border-left: none; border: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.55pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 10.5pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: white; font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; text-transform: uppercase;">1 OUNCE BLEACHED ENRICHED WHITE FLOUR</span></b><b><span style="color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; text-transform: uppercase;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #2F3847; border-left: none; border: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.75pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 10.5pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: white; font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; text-transform: uppercase;">1 OUNCE UNBLEACHED ALL-PURPOSE WHITE
FLOUR</span></b><b><span style="color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; text-transform: uppercase;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #2F3847; border-left: none; border: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 76.5pt;" width="102"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 10.5pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: white; font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; text-transform: uppercase;">1 OUNCE UNBLEACHED WHOLE WHEAT FLOUR</span></b><b><span style="color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; text-transform: uppercase;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
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<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">Calories<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.55pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;"><a href="http://nutritiondata.self.com/facts/cereal-grains-and-pasta/9254/2" target="_blank"><b><span style="color: #24c4f8; font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; text-decoration: none;">103</span></b></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.75pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;"><a href="http://nutritiondata.self.com/facts/cereal-grains-and-pasta/5828/2" target="_blank"><b><span style="color: #24c4f8; font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; text-decoration: none;">102</span></b></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 76.5pt;" width="102"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;"><a href="http://nutritiondata.self.com/facts/cereal-grains-and-pasta/5744/2" target="_blank"><b><span style="color: #24c4f8; font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; text-decoration: none;">95</span></b></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-top: none; border: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">Total fat (grams)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.55pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.75pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 76.5pt;" width="102"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">1<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">Sodium (milligrams)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.55pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">1<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.75pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">1<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 76.5pt;" width="102"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">1<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-top: none; border: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">Carbs (grams)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.55pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">22<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.75pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">21<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 76.5pt;" width="102"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">20<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">Fiber (grams)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.55pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.75pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">1<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 76.5pt;" width="102"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">3<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-top: none; border: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">Sugars (grams)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.55pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.75pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 76.5pt;" width="102"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">Protein (grams)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.55pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">2<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.75pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">3<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 76.5pt;" width="102"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">4<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-top: none; border: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">Calcium (grams)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.55pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">5.6 (1%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.75pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">4.2 (0%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 76.5pt;" width="102"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">9.5 (1%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">Folate (micrograms)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.55pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">47.6 (12%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.75pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">51.2 (13%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 76.5pt;" width="102"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">12.3 (3%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-top: none; border: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">Iron (milligrams)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.55pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">1.4 (8%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.75pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">1.3 (7%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 76.5pt;" width="102"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">1.1 (6 %)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">Magnesium
(milligrams)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.55pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">5.6 (1%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.75pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">6.2 (2%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 76.5pt;" width="102"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">38.6 (10%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-top: none; border: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">Manganese
(milligrams)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.55pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">.2 (9%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.75pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">.2 (9%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 76.5pt;" width="102"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">1.1 (53%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">Potassium (grams)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.55pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">36.7 (1%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.75pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">30 (1%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 76.5pt;" width="102"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">113 (3%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-top: none; border: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">Vitamin A
(international units)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.55pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">0 (0%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.75pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">.6 (0%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 76.5pt;" width="102"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">2.5 (0%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">Vitamin B6
(milligrams)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.55pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">0 (1%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.75pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">0 (1%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 76.5pt;" width="102"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">.1 (5%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-top: none; border: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">Thiamin (milligrams)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.55pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">.2 (14%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.75pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">.2 (14%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #E5E3E1; border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 76.5pt;" width="102"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">.1 (8%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">Zinc (milligrams)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.55pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">.3 (2%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 81.75pt;" width="109"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">.2 (1%)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid #CCCCCC .75pt; padding: 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt 7.5pt; width: 76.5pt;" width="102"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #2f3847; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">229 (286%)</span></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Table Source: <a href="http://www.popsugar.com/fitness/Enriched-Flour-Really-Bad-34031191" target="_blank">PopSugar</a></span></div>
<br />
<br />
Admittedly, I'm not the best at eating healthy. I do try to cook and bake from scratch as much as possible. I have been trying to get my family to eat more organic and local produce, less refined sugar and processed foods and even have participated in a herd-share for chicken and beef so we have a better idea of where our food is coming from and how it's been treated.<br />
<br />
But we still eat junk food. I worry about the eating habits of my youngest who loves carbs and hates almost anything else. McDonald's has received more of my money than I would like to admit.<br />
<br />
So we are not perfect. Not even close. But we're aware of the problem and that's something to start with.<br />
<br />
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">MORE STARCH TO PROCESS</span></h3>
<br />
Another result of this enriching/stripping process is <a href="http://www.globalhealingcenter.com/natural-health/enriched-white-flour/" target="_blank">more sugar</a> for our bodies to try to process. When you remove the germ from wheat berries it produces starch. So when I was pulling out the granulated white sugar and bleached white flour to bake, I was never considering the starchy concoction's impact on our poor bodies. I think we can all agree that we have enough sugar added to our food already without adding in more.<br />
<br />
--<br />
<br />
So, here we are with 18 years of enriched flour products packed upon our grocery shelves. The next time you are in the cracker/cereal/snack/pasta/bread aisles, pick up random products and read the back of the label. It will look a lot like this.<br />
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<br />
<br />
And this is the tricky kind because on the front it will likely shout out about how you are eating a whole grain or a whole wheat product. However, when you look at the label closely, you will see the addition of "enriched wheat flour" and a parentheses of what that contains.<br />
<br />
Now when I shop, I read labels on the crackers, cereal and breads I pick up. I recently discovered that both Wheat Thins and Triscuit crackers use non-enriched flour.<br />
<br />
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<br />
That's a big difference in the list of ingredients.<br />
<br />
So, that's a win!<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
There is more good news. The Paleo diet movement and awareness of the MTHFR gene mutation, as well as a host of parents who have looked at food as a source of harm/healing for their children who have been diagnosed with sensory disorders has brought awareness to this issue.<br />
<br />
And it's brought forth more options for people who want to eliminate enriched flour products from their lives.<br />
<br />
I do have a friend who buys her own wheat berries and grinds them down into flour. This is a great way to ensure you are getting the most vital nutrients and minerals every time. But if that doesn't work for you, you can buy whole-grain, non-enriched flour from the bulk bins or even off the shelf. I picked a two-pack of organic unbleached wheat flour at Costco. Check out the label on this beaut:<br />
<br />
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<br />
Look at that beautiful, simple ingredient list! In contrast, check out this one from Gold Medal:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJvuyNdOPLf4VDO-jFCdLwCWLM9vTEliYQ6E1AynbnXWGIQiWh1BNkkE5Z6pS9bizNTEK9eXNWeJWuLEcSLmNNKiJlQgbnvMxgoKDTijeWWlb_0C_sEF9RNKCw2sdd3ueLDOLxaUkQnxZ1/s1600/Gold_Medal_All_Purpose_Flour.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="355" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJvuyNdOPLf4VDO-jFCdLwCWLM9vTEliYQ6E1AynbnXWGIQiWh1BNkkE5Z6pS9bizNTEK9eXNWeJWuLEcSLmNNKiJlQgbnvMxgoKDTijeWWlb_0C_sEF9RNKCw2sdd3ueLDOLxaUkQnxZ1/s400/Gold_Medal_All_Purpose_Flour.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br />
I think these Paleo folks are on to something. If we have been able to damage our bodies over generations with our eating habits and thereby messing with our epigenetics, shouldn't we be able to repair it by changing them? There is a compelling argument that getting our essential nutrients from their original source can even <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLjgBLwH3Wc&feature=youtu.be" target="_blank">reverse many degenerative diseases</a> like M.S. and many others.<br />
<br />
So, here's to finding, buying and producing more food that is as close to its natural source as possible. Here's to food that spoils and doesn't have a "shelf-life" or man-made chemical compounds adding in to help us out.<br />
<br />
Because the government can compel companies to enrich their flour, but they cannot compel me to eat it!<br />
<br />
--<br />
<br />
UPDATE: The day after I wrote this blog post, I saw this <a href="http://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2016/04/15/474388880/coming-soon-to-a-tortilla-near-you-a-vitamin-to-prevent-birth-defects" target="_blank">news article</a> about the FDA approving the addition of folic acid into corn products (masa) that will effect our tortillas and tamales. </div>
my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-67530484918504859622016-04-08T14:09:00.000-07:002016-04-08T15:38:17.109-07:00God is Calling You to Be Brazen<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: xx-small;"><i>Image credit: LG Designs</i></span></td></tr>
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The other day, I read a <a href="https://www.blogger.com/Post%20about%20Brazen:%20%20http://www.aholyexperience.com/2016/04/when-its-time-to-be-brazen/#st_refDomain=www.facebook.com&st_refQuery=/" target="_blank">blog post</a> about a call for God's daughters to be brazen.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Brazen</span><br />
<br />
I literally stumbled over the word. And then circled back.<br />
<br />
<i>Brazen?</i><br />
<br />
<i>Hmmm...doesn't that equate to "hussy?" Or maybe "bold or brash?"</i><br />
<br />
In my mind, I flashed upon a few current day celebrities who might seem to fit that bill.<br />
<br />
But then I read further as the author of the post shared the word's definition:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">without shame; unrestrained by convention or propriety; Nervy; Bold-faced; Audacious; Shameless</span></blockquote>
<br />
I had the shameless part right, but not much else. And not even in the correct context.<br />
<br />
Somehow in my mind, the word <i>brazen</i> had taken on a negative connotation. It had become the anathema of the Proverbs 31 woman who was quiet, diligent and humble and had her stuff together.<br />
<br />
It rattled around in my brain with another word that has been haunting me lately: <i>Seditious</i>. (But that is a post for another day.)<br />
<br />
As I read further about how the author longed to add color to her "beige life," to embrace boldness and be unrestrained and walk in freedom, it made me think about a woman in the Bible I had recently studied.<br />
<br />
Her name is Achsah (pronounced <i>Ak-saw</i>) and she was the daughter of Caleb, who is celebrated among the great men of valor in the Old Testament. Caleb was one of only two survivors from the original generation of Israelites who left Egypt to go to the land God has promised his people. The reason for his survival was that he had great faith in God's deliverance. (The other guys? Not so much.)<br />
<br />
So, as a result I am really familiar with Caleb.<br />
<br />
But, I had never heard of Achsah. Well, to be honest, I don't<i> remember</i> Achsah. I have read through the Bible many times and the book of Joshua as well. But I must have read right over her paragraph in the scripture and not registered how amazing she was.<br />
<br />
Until a few weeks ago.<br />
<br />
In Joshua 15, we find the Israelites at the end of their campaign to take over the Promised Land. After 40 years of wandering in the desert waiting for the unbelieving generation to die off, after the death of Moses, after likely several years of battle, it was time to settle into the land and start building a life and future. And so we find that Joshua has given Caleb the specific land he requested before all the warring began:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><br />"...and Caleb said, 'I will give my daughter Achsah as a wife to the one who strikes down and captures Kiriath-sepher.' So Othniel son of Caleb's brother, Kenaz, captured it, and Caleb gave his daughter Achsah to him as a wife.</i> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>When she arrived, she persuaded Othniel to ask her father for a field. As she got off her donkey, Caleb asked her, 'What do you want?'</i> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>She replied, 'Give me a blessing. Since you have given me land in the Negev, give me the springs of water also.' So he gave her the upper and lower springs." (Joshua 15:16-19)</i></blockquote>
<br />
A few things stand out here. First off, Achsah's cousin is the lucky winner of her hand. I am swallowing down the modern-day ick factor because I know that this was common practice in those days. It's likely that these two grew up together and perhaps even fell in love along the way.<br />
<br />
In my mind, I like to temper the part of the story where Caleb offers up his daughter like pirate's booty to the man who captures the city with my own inner mental video of Othniel going all ninja-warrior in preparation to win the hand of his lady love.<br />
<br />
And because Caleb is a pretty amazing guy in the Old Testament, I'd like to think that there was a wink-wink factor in this contest and he didn't just dangle his daughter like a prize to the biggest brute out there.<br />
<br />
There is evidence to support this notion. The Hebrew definition for Achsah can be translated as "anklet" (connotation of bangle bracelets shaking or rattling), "adorned," or "bursting the veil." Since we know that it was common practice to choose a name that would describe the child, this tells me that Achsah was both treasured and a bit of a fire-cracker. So secondly, I think she was probably the apple of her daddy's eye.<br />
<br />
This is also borne out in verse 19 when she asks her father to also give her the blessing of the springs of water (essentially water rights) -- "since you have <b><u>given me</u></b> land in the Negev."<br />
<br />
It doesn't say that Caleb gave her husband land in the Negev. Othniel was given the prize of Achsah. Achsah was given land of her own -- which was a pretty big deal in this patriarchial society.<br />
<br />
So we know she was favored and adored by her father. And we can also see that she likely knew that she had her father wrapped around her little ankle....I mean finger.<br />
<br />
However, it wasn't the best land that Caleb owned. The Negev is a desert plain between the Mediterranean Sea and the Dead Sea. Without the ownership of these springs, this land would likely be unuseable or highly expensive to irrigate.<br />
<br />
Hence Achsah's approach to her father and her brazen request:<br />
<br />
"<i>Please sir, I want some more</i>." (in true Oliver Twist fashion)<br />
<br />
And Caleb granted her request -- both the<b><u> upper and lower</u></b> springs. (vs 19)<br />
<br />
That's what I would call unrestrained by convention or propriety; nervy; bold-faced; audacious and yes...even shameless.<br />
<br />
But I believe that Achsah knew that Caleb was likely to grant her request. Because she knew her father. She knew what she meant to him.<br />
<br />
And Caleb complies... not with just one spring, but two springs. And I'd like to think he did with a twinkle in his eye as he marveled over his gutsy, beautiful daughter.<br />
<br />
These springs watered the land that would make Othniel and Achsah prosperous and likely helped seal the deal in the choice of Othniel as the first judge of Israel.<br />
<br />
And it came to be because a daughter dared to ask her father for more, believing that it was his heart to give her what she requested.<br />
<br />
W. Mackintosh MacKay penned an essay called, "The Discontented Bride" about this passage:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"There is, of course, a divine discontent all of us should foster. Dissastified with our growth in sanctity of life, we should constantly pray, 'more holiness give me,' and as the bride's father graciously granted his daughter's request, so our Heavenly Father will answer our yearning for the life more abundant."</i></blockquote>
<br />
First, I'd like to address the issue of "discontent." My first thoughts when I read this essay was, "<i>of course a man would read through this story and slap the label of 'discontented bride' on Achsah. If it were Caleb's son, I doubt commentaries would label him as the 'discontented groom.' Why do women who boldy ask for things get labels with negative connotations?"</i><br />
<br />
I do think it's an unfortunate common occurence. But, beyond that, I think MacKay is on to something. There is always more. And because of <u><b>who</b></u> we are and <u><b>whose</b></u> we are, we have access and dare I say, the authority to boldly make our requests known.<br />
<br />
Personally, I think Achsah approached her father not out of a spirit of discontent, but out of the knowledge that she was favored and adored.<br />
<br />
And that perspective changes everything.<br />
<br />
Ephesians 3:12 explains:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God's presence." (<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians+3%3A12&version=NLT" target="_blank">NLT</a>)</i></blockquote>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
And this is every woman's challenge, I believe. To not let people (Christian or otherwise) label us as discontented or pushy or conniving simple because we see the need for more "living water" in our lives.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
However, there is one label I will proudly wear: <i><span style="color: #990000; font-size: large;"><b>Shameless</b></span></i></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Because not only has Jesus removed all of my shame; but He has called me to walk in freedom and set other captives free of theirs.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My fellow daughters....may we never be constrained by convention or propriety. But may we walk boldly and even audaciously into our destinies -- into our own "promised lands."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And yes...may we be <b><span style="color: #990000; font-size: large;"><i>brazen!</i></span></b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
--<br />
<br />
Post-script: There is so much more that I could pull out of this story. I have pages of notes from this one paragraph and a few others in later chapters. I feel like God opened up my mind to a revelation of His Father heart for His daughters. I'm not sure if it will become another blog post or even the book I've always dreamed of writing. But it's a BIG story that needs telling. Stay tuned...<br />
<br /></div>
my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-30825884269194130242016-04-07T13:45:00.000-07:002017-10-25T11:45:58.723-07:00When Brashness Trumps Integrity<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Photo credit: Modcloth.com</span></td></tr>
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<br />
<br />
Almost 18 years ago, the United States (and other parts of the world) were fixated on a blue dress, an intern and a president.<br />
<br />
The president of one of the most powerful countries in the world was on public trial defending himself against accusations of an improper sexual relationship with a young woman who was not his wife.<br />
<br />
At first, he denied that anything improper happened.<br />
<br />
And then tapes were released, and fabric with DNA evidence was brought forth and tested.<br />
<br />
And the media circus and feeding frenzy escalated.<br />
<br />
--<br />
<br />
To be honest, I didn't pay a lot of attention to the scandal. I was living overseas at the time. Juicy details were published both in print and the television media of Greece. Truthfully, I was embarrassed on behalf of my country and for the dignity of the office of President.<br />
<br />
Even worse, when President Clinton eventually confessed to what everyone knew he had done despite his repeated denials -- at that point, it was truly a low point in the history of our political system.<br />
<br />
However, more than the disappointment I felt about the perception of the honor factor of my country and our leader, I was shocked to hear people back home arguing about how we shouldn't judge the president by his moral failings or successes. Rather, we should judge him by his political efficacy.<br />
<br />
Of course, the Christian community in particular was outraged at this notion. They argued:<br />
<br />
"<i>How can you separate a man from his actions? </i><br />
<i>"Can you remove morality from the equation of measuring success?" </i><br />
<i>"Can you be a terrible human being, but still be a good president</i>?"<br />
<br />
And of course, the implied answer was no. You either are honest and trustworthy in your marriage, or you aren't. And if you are not honest or trustworthy in that arena, wouldn't that make you less inclined to be honest and trustworthy in your job as the leader of the free world when it suits you? Would you also lie and distort and cover up the truth if it served your purposes?<br />
<br />
Does character really count?<br />
<br />
The implied answer was a resounding yes.<br />
<br />
And for the record, I think that is the correct assertion. I don't believe you can compartmentalize morality and character and operate in one way in one aspect of your life and then then switch that off and do something opposite in another. It's impossible for character to not bleed into every area of life. Because it is who we are.<br />
<br />
As Americans, we wanted Bill Clinton to be better than he acted. We revere "Honest Abe," and the courage of George Washington. We don't like to talk as much about Richard Nixon or the less savory aspects of our Camelot president.<br />
<br />
Because ultimately we want our leaders to rise above. Fair or not. Attainable or not. We want them to demonstrate that which we find so difficult.<br />
<br />
Integrity.<br />
<br />
Which is why it baffles me that Donald Trump is even a contender at this point. I won't go into the skimpiness of his political credentials, or how his fortune has bought him a seat at the table of a political party he has historically mocked and despised.<br />
<br />
What baffles me is the support he is getting from Christians -- many who were the yelling the loudest about how character matters when Bill Clinton was falling from grace.<br />
<br />
The double standard here boggles my mind.<br />
<br />
How on earth can Christians support and condone behavior that would get any student in American expelled from school, or any employee suspended without pay (or even fired)?<br />
<br />
The things that Donald Trump has said publicly and on record as he has campaigned have literally made my toes curl, blood boil and insides cringe.<br />
<br />
He is mean. He is a bully. He mocks and belittles women and uses slurs that are not just politically-incorrect, they are in the worst possible taste.<br />
<br />
And yet, he is still at the political table.<br />
<br />
Why?<br />
<br />
Because "<i>he speaks his mind</i>." "<i>He's brash and bold and someone has to say it like it is -- even if it's offensive." "He's not afraid to say what everyone else is thinking</i>."<br />
<br />
Frankly and respectfully, I don't think this qualifies him to run for President of the United States, let alone president of anything.<br />
<br />
He is making us look bad. All of us.<br />
<br />
Because you can't have it both ways.<br />
<br />
You can't scream about how character matters just as much in the privacy of an office as much as it does in the public arena of a press conference, and then turn around and applaud the next guy for doing the same thing under the guise of "being unpredictable."<br />
<br />
I get that Americans are tired of the same old political crud that seems self-serving and not at all about "we the people."<br />
<br />
I get that we are tired of paying so much of our money into a system that seems flawed, broken and unaccountable to anyone.<br />
<br />
I get that the luster of democracy has worn off as special-interest groups and big money has taken away our voice and influence.<br />
<br />
But this is not the way.<br />
<br />
We cannot vote for rudeness, dishonor, contempt, ego and arrogance for president simply because we are sick and tired of the status quo.<br />
<br />
We cannot rail about how integrity and honor should trump deceit and manipulation, yet turn around and applaud any political candidate that oozes contempt and vitrol simply because it is aimed at those we want to see defeated.<br />
<br />
It doesn't work that way.<br />
<br />
It shouldn't work that way.<br />
<br />
Because our choices cast a shadow. And that shadow can provide a place of rest and respite from a harsh world, or it can create a place of darkness and confusion.<br />
<br />
But make no mistake: everyone sees a shadow. In Bill Clinton's case, the blue dress scandal is forever memoralized in one <a href="http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/breaking-news/index.ssf/2015/03/clinton_museum_portrait_has_no.html" target="_blank">artist's depiction</a> of his presidential portrait for the Clinton Museum. The shadow of that dress is literally painted onto the canvas.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Photo credit: therooster.com</span></td></tr>
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<br />
I know that some will not agree that when we vote for a president of our country, we are not voting "for a good person." <br />
<br />
I whole-heartedly disagree. When we vote for president, we are voting for the best person to represent the United States of America both abroad and the majority of her people -- someone who exemplifies the "best of us" and not the worst of our fears and anxieties.<br />
<br />
Luke 6:43-45 says:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><br />"A good tree doesn't produce bad fruit; on the other hand, a bad tree doesn't produce good fruit. For each tree is known by its own fruit. Figs aren't gathered from thornbushes, or grapes picked from a bramble bush. A good man produces good out of the good storeroom of his heart. An evil man produces evil out of the evil storeroom, for his mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart."</i></blockquote>
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History will judge us. It's judging us now. We cannot teach our school children the program, "Character Counts," and simultaneously behave and vote as if it does not.<br />
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my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-26701920523699794002015-12-19T22:07:00.001-08:002015-12-19T22:11:04.867-08:00A Day of Promise<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
When I woke up this morning, I had no idea that I would be closing down my day with such an abundance of gratitude in my heart.<br />
<br />
I woke up earlier than I would have liked on an overcast Saturday morning. Today is the first official day of Christmas vacation. Not only do the kids and I get a break from homeschooling, but Daddy (who is a teacher) is home with us too.<br />
<br />
I tried to burrow back into the covers, but my brain would not shut off with all the things I wanted to get done today. So, I put on <strike>a cute outfit</strike> yoga pants and a sweatshirt and <strike>enthusiastically cleaned the bathroom</strike> fired up the coffee pot, and got my day started.<br />
<br />
Since I was up and I could see the feral hungry look in the cats' eyes (and heard the bellowing from the goats, cackles from the chickens and shenanigans from the dogs), I decided to let my family sleep and do their chores.<br />
<br />
I walked outside and literally gasped aloud. In front of me was the most gorgeous double rainbow spanning the sky. I ran back in for my <strike>deluxe camera</strike> iPhone and started snapping photos.<br />
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I wish that the bottom two lined up for the perfect rainbow look, but you get the idea. I had a moment of taking it all in and enjoying the fact that there were no other houses or buildings in the way. The rainbow looked like it started inside a tree and ended in an orange grove. I love everything about that.<br />
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As I was taking photos, it started to sprinkle and I rejoiced in the good soaking that our thirsty land and state would be getting. I quickly finished the feeding chores and made it back inside before it started to rain harder.<br />
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Back inside, it was lovely to sit by our propane stove and read my morning Bible reading and reflect on the goodness of God.<br />
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I thought by now, 17 months after moving out here to the farm, that I would have become immune to many of the charms of our farmhouse, but today (and really...this entire month) that was just not the case.<br />
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I am reveling in the fact that I have a mantle -- a real mantle in my house! I've always wanted to have a fireplace and mantle to hang our stockings and to decorate seasonally.<br />
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A few months ago, I persuaded my hubby that it was time to take down the Gothic candelabra that graced the fireplace and change out the 80's sconces. Not only did this bring our farmhouse back into the 1900's and beyond, it gave me space to do some decorating.<br />
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As you can see, last year I didn't try too hard. (You can barely make out the two Christmas trees kissing the bottom of the dungeon candelabra.) Granted, I was still trying to recover from the Big Move and this felt as about as much as I could do.<br />
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I'm sure you see the improvement. If not, I have a lovely candelabra and 80's sconces to sell you.<br />
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I also got to admire the second year I have hung twine from our wainscoting to showcase the Christmas cards we received. I love it even more this year.<br />
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From there, Hubby ventured out from the warm cocoon of our bed and was <strike>suckered</strike> persuaded that it would be a great day to install our new-to-us appliance stands.<br />
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This is one of those frivolous purchases that are hard for me to justify. However, they were much desired to bring up the height of our washer and dryer to cover some old plumbing, and allow for an eventual counter top that I would like to place over both units that will also keep socks and random laundry from falling down the gap in the back.<br />
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Being able to get them secondhand from another fellow country dweller (who lives on our same street but 20 miles the opposite direction) for a great price helped seal the deal. An unforeseen benefit is not having to bend over so much doing the laundry. And yes, now that I am above 40, these things matter.<br />
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It also only took us an hour, which is good for us. And we were able to do it with mostly joking around and with minimal strongly suggesting helpful hints.<br />
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Our scheduled event for the day was postponed due to the weather, so at that point, I gave up on some of the cleaning and hustling to prepare I had started to do and just relaxed into the day.<br />
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And it got even better...<br />
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Later that afternoon, I decided that the cold, damp weather was a perfect chance to literally fire up our indoor wood-burning stove in our farmhouse kitchen. We have always thought it was super cool to have, but for some reason, we have never actually taken the time to try it out. So, today was the day and it was fabulous.<br />
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But before we did, I had to set the stage. The lovely brass wood holder and fireplace tool set were actually in the other room for looks by the propane stove. It was so fulfilling to go and get them and place them by the wood-burning stove.<br />
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And then...<br />
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...magic! </div>
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There is something about actual flames that a blue-tinted propane stove can't touch. And even better, Miss Hadley was able to use another item that I bought pre-move, a hand bellows. </div>
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She was in heaven being able to use it for its actual purpose and I was happy she wasn't blowing it in her brother's face or up her sister's nose.<br />
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And...well, I was just happy. There were many things that I was able to use for their intended purpose instead of just decor or for wishing. And I hope it doesn't seem shallow because ultimately, they are just <u>things</u>.<br />
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However, they all represent the comfort and sense of peace I have as I walk through my farmhouse and get to literally touch and marvel over the still amazing fulfillment of this amazing dream.<br />
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It was a <strike>good</strike> fabulous day.<br />
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It started with a rainbow and in a way, it ended with one. A promise of the Ephesians 3:20 variety:<br />
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<i>"God can do anything, you know -- far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!"</i></blockquote>
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my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-3915864550107950292015-11-17T10:30:00.000-08:002017-10-25T11:46:21.022-07:00We're All Refugees<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I know you are horrified by the recent attacks in Paris.<br />
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I'm horrified too.<br />
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I know you are fearful of something similar happening in your country (and maybe not for the first time).<br />
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I have that fear too.<br />
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I know that many people are experiencing the gut-reaction of being emotionally kicked in the stomach. You want to curl into a ball and ward off the pain. You want to hold out your hands in protest to make it stop. To cease. To go back to the way things were.<br />
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I know that feeling too.<br />
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And yes, I have seen the posts and blogs and "news reports" that are angry, up-in-arms, full of national kick-butt-ary: <i>"heck no, you can't come here and no one wants you so just go back to your own country and get what you deserve for being born into your cultural group."</i><br />
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In the natural, I have felt that way too.<br />
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<h4 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">But I'm not called to live in the natural. I'm called to live out of the nature of Christ.</span></h4>
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And I feel this rising up in that supernatural realm of a profound compassion for the sad and sorry state of this world of ours. There is so much brokenness -- for the victims and families of this horrific attack, in the heart-muscle-memory of those of us who have experienced terrorist attacks in our own countries, and yes, even for those who are operating out of misguided theology and belief systems.</div>
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Yes, I have a sense of compassion even for them. Because I believe Jesus is full of compassion for all of us in this crazy, tangled web of sin and sorrow.<br />
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But my heart is grieved by the venom and vitrol that I see being spewed out all over social media against the refugees of Syria and other countries whose people are still fleeing persecution and for their very lives. And so much of it is coming from fellow Christians.<br />
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The petitions that are circulating to keep countries and states and neighborhood from accepting these people are a means for us to control things and to feel safe and to keep terror from invading our shores on a massive scale.<br />
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I get it.<br />
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But I don't believe in it.<br />
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Because at the heart of it all, our attempts at control fail. Sin gets in. Terror seems to be having free reign.<br />
<h4 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><br />A signed piece of legislation and closing our borders will not change that. Because this is a spiritual issue.</span></h4>
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Do I believe that some radicals have slipped in with some of the refugees arriving in Lesbos over the past few months?<br />
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Undoubtedly.<br />
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Do I believe that papers have been forged and plans have been made to deceive, kill and destroy?<br />
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Absolutely.<br />
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Do I believe that an entire group of persecuted people should be shoved from shorelines, tossed some provisions and sent back across the sea?<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Photo Credit: United Nations</span></td></tr>
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I don't.<br />
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And this is why....because we're all refugees.<br />
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For the majority of us, our "people" came from somewhere else at some point in time. For some, it's been hundreds of years, for others, only a handful of months.<br />
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<h4 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">The trouble comes when we feel like we have earned our place in the country we call home. That it is our divine right and we deserve to be here because...well, we are here.</span></h4>
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The truth is that we are very, very blessed to live in countries that are virtual safe havens in comparison to the rest of the world. We haven't earned it. I'm not even sure we deserve it. But yet, here we are.<br />
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And in being here, do we then have the right to deny what we have been so richly given to someone else because we are fearful that they might be a terrorist inside the Trojan Horse of a refugee?<br />
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I was struck today by a short video that shows a reporter documenting an exchange between a father and young son about the Paris attacks.<br />
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The young boy is fearful and trying to understand how to protect against such brutality. What is the most striking is the ethnicity of these two and the fluency of the French language they are speaking. France is their home. They are obviously not native frenchman, but they are frenchmen nonetheless.<br />
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What would have happened if they would have been denied entry into France due to fear? The world would have missed out on this poignant moment and reminder that love and compassion conquers brutality and that we are all foreigners and aliens.<br />
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---<br />
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Do we honestly believe that all of those families arriving soaking wet and cold in rubber boats on rocky shores -- holding crying babies, terrorized toddlers and bleary-eyed children -- are just waiting to settle in so they can blow up the western world?<br />
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And yes...I realize it's not that simple.<br />
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But the world we live in is not a simple place.<br />
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<h4 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Fighting the urge to slam the gates shut, bar the doors, and stand with weapons drawn may be our toughest fight yet.</span></h4>
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Because it still gets in. Sin gets in. Terrorists terrorize. No safety measure, screening or naturalization process can be 100% effective. I understand that.<br />
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But what about the terror within our own borders? What about the disenfranchized teens that burst into schools and slaughter classmates? What about deranged middle-aged men who set off bombs in crowded Olympic villages? What about theology-warped preachers who brainwash their flocks, lock them into a building and pass around the poison?<br />
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It's not about country, culture, religion, the color of your skin, or even ISIS.<br />
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It's about sin -- plain and simple.<br />
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<h4 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">What if instead of building moats and trebuchets, we got down on our knees and asked God to intervene and build bridges through His Son?</span></h4>
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What if we did the unnatural thing of remaining open and watchful, but asked and then expected God to supernaturally change hearts and minds of those bent on destruction?<br />
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What if we all rose up and picked up our spiritual armor and weapons and then went out into the world bringing His truth, deliverance, redemption, healing and transformative power?<br />
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Do we truly believe that a terrorist could come face to face with the Son of God and be redeemed and instead of blowing up buildings, he would begin to blow up the plans of the Enemy?<br />
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What if we launched a cleverly-devised, Holy Spirit-inspired battle campaign of our own?<br />
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What if we completely turned this thing on its proverbial head and instead of fearing invaders, we welcomed them because we know we possess the only thing that could neutralize their evil plots and plans?<br />
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<h4 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">What if we could be agents of Jesus Christ -- turning terrorists into testimonies?</span></h4>
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I believe it's possible. And I believe it's the very heart of our Father God.<br />
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But is is probable?<br />
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I believe even now we as believers have a choice to make -- whether we are going to partner with fear and hopelessness and shut the doors of our hearts, homes and countries, or whether we are going to wedge the doors of our hearts open with the knowledge of the amazing grace in our own lives and the understanding of who we are in Him and the power that we can and should operate out of.<br />
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The Church needs to rise up. We have been commanded not to fear -- over and over again in the scriptures. And if the world has ever needed the recently battered, mocked, and all-too-often complacent Church, it's for a time such as this.<br />
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Because we have what our bruised, bleeding and confused world needs.<br />
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Hope.<br />
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Power.<br />
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Authority.<br />
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Miracles.<br />
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Faith.<br />
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Grace.<br />
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Confidence in a mighty God who is not blind and hears the cries of the oppressed of this world.<br />
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<h4 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">May we not become oppressors in our attempts to guard and protect our own way of life.</span></h4>
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May we choose to remember the heart-breaking image of the toddler face down in the sandy shore of a broken dream of escaping to a better life, rather than the images from the carnage of recent days.<br />
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Because honestly, we are all refugees. We long to flee this crumbling, dying world for an enternal home in Heaven with no more tears and no more suffering. This world is not our home. Our homes and our countries are only a temporary camp as we wait for the eternal.<br />
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This one beautiful life is ours to either be activated agents of His grace and power, or merely security guards desperately trying to protect against invaders.<br />
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Which do you choose?<br />
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my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2353615038045149834.post-34586502306726052015-10-25T11:51:00.000-07:002017-10-25T11:54:32.272-07:00On Being Full-Strength<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
<br />
Coffee is one of my best friends.<br />
<br />
Being a homeschool mom of 4 and trying to keep up with them, their schoolwork and our new farmhouse keeps me on my toes.<br />
<br />
And it keeps me coming back to the coffee pot.<br />
<br />
Every morning, making some coffee is usually one of my first waking thoughts.<br />
<br />
I must have been especially tired the other day.<br />
<br />
I staggered into the kitchen and filled the carafe with water and cleaned up the sink area while it brewed. I added some cream and caramel-flavored syrup to my favorite yellow cup. I poured in some delicious brown elixir distractedly and then sipped.<br />
<br />
Something was wrong.<br />
<br />
It didn't taste right.<br />
<br />
It tasted like milky caramelly water.<br />
<br />
And then I realized I forgot one crucial and important step.<br />
<br />
I forgot to change out the coffee grounds and I had brewed a "fresh pot" with yesterday's filter and grounds.<br />
<br />
It was not what I had eagerly anticipated. It was a disappointment, frankly.<br />
<br />
I poured the watery stuff down the sink and then started over -- this time with fresh grounds and filter. And then I waited....again.<br />
<br />
And as I waited, I thought about how watered down things are such a waste in so many ways. They can often look just about right. They might even smell mostly the same.<br />
<br />
But watered down things are too often a shadow of the original and also a huge letdown.<br />
<br />
As I stood there anticipating a sip of the real, full-strength version, it was a good reminder for me to be true and authentic to who God has made me to be and not give into the temptation at times to water things down.<br />
<br />
Because the problem with watering things down is that no one enjoys it. Not the originator and not the recipient.<br />
<br />
And I'm not talking about being belligerent or forceful or hateful. I'm talking about just being true to my nature and the convictions that go along with it -- being exactly the strength and flavor that God designed me to be.<br />
<br />
Both full-strength and stimulating...just like my morning coffee.</div>
my life is a mosaic...http://www.blogger.com/profile/02833922154574866737noreply@blogger.com