Mosaic Momma

It's been quiet here lately. I have thought many, many times about posting something. But I couldn't get myself to sit down and put my fingers to keys. You see...my dream is coming true. And I've been freaking out. And not in the happy, click your heels kind of way. Well...maybe more accurately, it's equal parts that and equal parts sheer terror. My. Dream. Is. Coming. True. I can hardly bear to type it. The weight of it crushes yet also expands my heart. That thing that I've held in my hand and then released. The thing I've prayed over, wept over, petitioned God for and let go again. It's here. It's before me and I have been not quite sure what to do with it. If you have been following along with my Dream Saga Series , then you have read about a dream that I have had for my family to have breadth and space and peace and rest and critters and places to explore. We've almost sold our house -- we are merely days away from ...

One of the most frustrating things about the "human condition" is our seeming inability at times to get out of a crazy cycle. Sometimes we do things the same way for so long that it becomes ingrained. I say this. He says that. Then I do this, and he does that. So, again, I say this..... You see how it goes. If we do this enough we create a whirlpool that starts to run on its own steam. And our very participation in that whirlpool keeps it going. It takes extraordinary effort to either a.) swim against the current and go with other way, or b.) swim out of the whirpool altogether into the unchartered calm water of the vast unknown. The truth is that it can be easier to just stay in the pattern we know when the ocean looms wild and deep. But even though it may take less effort to just stay stuck and go with that crazy current, inside we die a bit more each day. Because the truth is...we really don't want to be a slave to the whirlpool. ...

This past year as I have dove headlong into my year of turning 40 ( aka, "Fab4D" ), I have been more intentional about being awake to the simple joys and beauty in my life. Every day is truly a gift. But when you live an average of 27,375 days, each one can meld together if you don't make a concerted effort to wake to your "one beautiful life,' as Ann Voskamp would encourage. I am often guilty of living my life in the "not-yet."  I am a planner to the core, so my fingers are always itching to fill in the squares of my monthly/yearly calendar. " I just want to know ," is something that could be put upon my tombstone. Time Management. Managing Time. It almost seems laughable when I type it out. As if I could manage something so vast and wild and unfathomable. We each do our best to take what we have planned and purposed for each day and manage that day to the maximum. Sometimes we do better than others. S...

They say when you don't get the something you've wanted, God has something better. But what do you do when  better  seems so far away, and all you can feel is today's sting of loss? Despite my best intentions, I am in slight state of mourning. The amazing blue house that started this journey of selling our house -- the one that motivated us to toss piles of random stuff into the garage so the realtor could snap tidy photos of every room for the MLS listing, the one that caused to wait on pins and needles for that first good offer -- that house sold today.  But, not to us. The first time they passed on our offer for another was difficult. But, then those buyers changed their mind, and it it was our turn. Between having a contractor come out to look at our desired renovations and how we would financially swing them, we inexplicably lost out again to another buyer. Throughout the process of looking at over 25 other properties over two co...