It's been quiet here lately.
I have thought many, many times about posting something. But I couldn't get myself to sit down and put my fingers to keys.
You see...my dream is coming true.
And I've been freaking out.
And not in the happy, click your heels kind of way.
Well...maybe more accurately, it's equal parts that and equal parts sheer terror.
My. Dream. Is. Coming. True.
I can hardly bear to type it. The weight of it crushes yet also expands my heart.
That thing that I've held in my hand and then released. The thing I've prayed over, wept over, petitioned God for and let go again.
It's here. It's before me and I have been not quite sure what to do with it.
If you have been following along with my Dream Saga Series, then you have read about a dream that I have had for my family to have breadth and space and peace and rest and critters and places to explore. We've almost sold our house -- we are merely days away from it being recorded as officially belonging to another family. The POD container has been ordered and boxes are being packed.
And....unlike two weeks ago, we actually have some place to go.
It's a country farmhouse on 2.25 acres. With a pool. And a cellar. An an outdoor drinking fountain. And fruit and nut trees. And grapevines. And a tower. And barns. And....
If all of that stuff sounds familiar, it's because it's the house that I fell in love with a few weeks ago and blogged about in my last post. I was in heaven. My husband was not. I did not push (it was really, really hard not to), but I prayed that whole week and literally seven days later after we looked at another house that looked like 20 others we had seen with the same "flipped" look of same old tiles and color-scheme, he looked at me and said, "let's offer on the farmhouse."
Wait...what? Huh? What?
Over that week, he had thought it through and written up a summary of his concerns and issues and asked me for my responses and then he worked through them. And came up with the logical solution -- making it a decision of the heart (mine) and also of the head (his).
So we submitted an offer the next day. And the next day....the owner accepted it. As is. No counter-offers.
And with the object of my affection, my dream of dreams looming before me...I did the next most logical thing.
Suddenly all that space became "vast".
The slightly longer commute for us into town became "long distance."
The quaint and charming old farmhouse became "old."
Everything that could possibly be wrong with this "dream property" seemed to rear its head and say, "look at me!"
Suddenly it was me who had "issues" and concerns. I would wake up elated one day and then terrified the next. I constantly asked my husband if we were making the right decision. He was sure that we were.
I didn't post about it because I honestly didn't know what to say. I was conflicted.
And yes, I was scared.
Somehow in all the dreaming and hoping, I never stopped to consider what I would feel when God gave me what I longed for.
Or maybe I just assumed I would feel rivers of peace. And when I didn't every moment of every day, I started to question.
I think it's an honest assessment to say that not everyone is as excited about this property.
Some are worried that it's too far away from our life now and our families.
Others are worried that we will be over our heads with the property maintenance and be overworked.
And some are worried we will be isolated and lonely.
So, I guess it's no surprise that I started taking on all of those things until I couldn't almost think of the property without anxiety.
Were we crazy to choose something that not many in our circle of family and friends have not chosen or might never choose?
I started to believe it. All of it.
I was sure the home inspection would come back with a lot of issues. That the appraisal wouldn't come in at the right number. That the well would be bad.
It all came back good. But my stomach still churned.
And then we went out for a visit to the farmhouse with my family last week. I mean...a whole bunch of my family who were visiting from out of state. There were so many of us that our realtor, took a separate group to tour the inside, while the other stayed on the outside and checked things out.
It was a long drive out. Maybe especially because I was conscious of the distance as an issue. It did seem to take forever. For.Ever.
But when we turned the corner and the farmhouse came into view, a collective cheer went up from the inhabitants of our vehicle (which were all girl cousins aged 14 and under). And at that sound, the knot in my stomach released.
And as my family spread out and picked fruit from the trees (with the owner's permission) and ate it and then made sounds of immense appreciation and went and found plastic sacks out of their vehicles to fill, that knot vanished.
|Family picking mandarin oranges|
|Some of the bounty|
It was peaceful. There was laughter. There was so much love there.
And that's really all that I have wanted.
Peace. Laughter. Love
And yes, maybe a great wooden porch for family photos
The honest truth is that I do value the opinions of others close to me. I absolutely do. But what I forgot in that week of freaking out is something I already knew.
We all have different dreams. And they are all as wild and different as there are people and personalities.
God made it that way.
So, while I may want the approval and yes, blessing of people around me I don't necessarily need their complete understanding. Because if they understood it the way I do and felt it the way I feel it -- In. My. Gut. -- then we would have been outbid by a bunch of people and still be "homeless" and looking.
We all have different dreams and different realities.
The truth is that my soon-to-be front porch (ooh...just got a serious tingle of joy!) takes a great photo.
But, so does my sister's new country home.
They are both wonderful and they are both so "us." Different but with a lot of similarities. The ones that matter most.
Peace. Laughter. Love.
And so I'm back to joy. And excitement. And dreaming of where to place furniture and how to get my hands on a claw foot bathtub for the downstairs Jack and Jill bathroom. And taking a sip out of our outdoor water fountain in between hanging loads of laundry on my outdoor line. And looking over to see the kids jump on the trampoline and eat peaches. And hearing the sounds of chickens and maybe a goat or two. And maybe...one day even...the bray (neigh?) of a horse.
Because if I've learned one thing (and I've learned a lot!), it's that there are no limits with God. Any limits I place on people or situations are of my own choosing.
If I know one thing, it is this....
"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."